Speak
by LadySophieKitty
Summary: Lily survives the night Voldemort came,but has been in a coma for the past 21 years.When she awakes,Lily cant remember a thing,and is sent to be taken care of by Dr.Hermione Granger,who doesn’t know who Lily really is.Slowly through flashbacks Lily learns
1. Chapter 1

A/N- This is my first new story in months! This idea just popped into my head yesterday when I was amazingly bored because my best friend went away for two weeks. I can't wait until she's back! The name comes from one of my favorite books ever, Speak, which I highly recommend. I also recommend a Great and Terrible Beauty and Rebel Angels by Libba Bray, a great fantasy writer. Enjoy, and please review! I should be updating sometime next week, hopefully.

Summery- Lily survives the night Voldemort came, but has been in a coma for the past 21 years. When she awakes, Lily can't remember a thing, and is sent to be taken care of by a Dr. Hermione Granger, who doesn't know who she is. Slowly through flashbacks Lily learns who she is, there's just one problem: a spell won't let her tell anyone.

Disclaimer- Its Jo's sandbox, I'm just playing in it.

Chapter One

_I was running in a dark graveyard, panting heavily. I don't know how long I've been running, or even really why, I just know that I can't let the light close behind me catch up. Somehow I know that it's bad. _

_I pause just for a moment to catch my breath, wiping away the sweat the covered my arms and kneck, and made my silk nightgown stick to my body before continuing to run. My throat is dry and screaming for water, but I have none. It had been long gone. The wind was strong and playing with my hair, and I felt grateful for its coolness, but it felt almost as if it were trying to push my towards the light._

_Great. Even the wind was against me. I tripped over nothing. It seems like gravity is against me too. I quickly get up and continue running, but it's too late. I scream loudly as the light hits me. _

The light, the evil light would not go away. Even with my eyes closed it was too bright. Wait a second. Why were my eyes closed? I hadn't closed them, had I? I realized there were voices close by. I didn't recognize any of the voices. But why were there people hear? A moment before the graveyard had been empty, other than me and the dead bodies of course. Had they come with the light? All this thinking was giving me a headache.

I listen more closely to what the voices are saying, but all I can make out is a loud buzz. It reminds me of a mosquito flying near your ear when you're sleeping, the noise, and how annoying it was. No matter how many times you slap your ear, turn over, or cover your head with the pillow, it just won't go away.

Not knowing who the voices belonged to, or what the voices were saying made me curious. I slowly opened my eyes, but the brightness was too much, and I quickly shut them again. I wait for a couple moments, seeing the specks of brightness from opening my eyes, before trying again. This time I open them more slowly, and it works. I am in a bed now, in a room that is completely white. Even the three people in the room are wearing white. The lack of color frightens me.

"She's awake!" One of the people, a man, exclaimed.

"Of course she's awake, Jonathon. Didn't you hear her scream?" A woman snapped.

"Of course I did, Sarah. It would be impossible to not have heard it, but she's been asleep so long, it's hard to believe she's finally up." Jonathon retaliated.

"Oh stop squabbling like a pair of children. In case the two of you have forgotten, we have a patient to attend to." A black woman scolded.

But before Jonathon and Sarah could defend themselves, a woman came in. She had light brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes. Even though her teeth were crooked, she had a nice smile, even if she was dressed entirely in the dreaded white.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to take my friend's sick daughter to the doctors. The front lady told me you were all in here." The woman gasped. It looked as if she had been running, and that made me like her more than the others.

"We forgive you, Dr. Granger." The black woman said, speaking for all of them. I noticed that Dr. Granger was the only person in the room who wasn't on first name basis with the other doctors (I assume they are doctors anyway), and I wondered why.

"What's your name, dear?" It took me a moment to realize that Sarah was talking to me. What was my name? I thought deeply for a moment, but my mind was one blank. I was starting to freak out now. Why couldn't I remember anything other than running away from the light?

"I don't know." I croaked out. It took all my effort to not cry in my frustration and fear.

"It appears our patient has lost her memory. I have a new assignment for you Dr. Granger." The black woman began. I could see a mixture of excitement and fear on Dr. Granger's face. Why was she afraid?

"You are to take our patient home with you, and try to help her gain her memory."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- Ok. Well, here is the next chapter. Thanks for all the reviews, by the way. Also, I just wanted to see what future pairings you wanted to have. So here are the choices:

Harry/Hermione

Harry/Ginny

Harry/Cho

Harry/OC

Ron/Hermione

Ron/OC

Hermione/Krum

Hermione/OC

Draco/Hermione

And whatever else I may have forgotten.

Speak

Chapter Two

I opened the door to Dr. Granger's car, dressed in normal clothes (baggy pants and a T-shirt several sizes too big for me) because apparently the hospital was a secret. I don't get how they can hide a building from everyone, but apparently they do.

"Look, since I don't know your name, I'll just call you Kendra, ok?" She said, starting the car.

"Ok, Dr. Granger." I replied, since I obviously couldn't tell her my real name.

"Look, since we're going to be living together, probably for a while, just call me Hermione." Dr. Granger said, looking as if being with me was the last thing on Earth she wanted to be doing.

"So, is this a new job for you?" I asked, trying to take away at least some of the discomfort of car ride, where the seconds felt like hours.

"Yes. I used to be an auror, but since Harry defeated Voldemort there haven't been many death eaters to catch. SO I decided to become a healer instead. But since I'm new, the other healers have been testing me all month."

"Auror? Death Eaters? Voldemort? What are those?" I asked, feeling very confused. Some reason the word Voldemort made me feel very angry, violent, and sad. Why though? Damn memory loss!"

Never mind. Anyway, amnesia is a hard thing to get, you must have been in some sort of accident or trauma to get it." Hermione said, giving me the impression she was trying

"There are three types of amnesia: Antitrade amnesia occurs when a patient cannot retain any new memories. This type of amnesia usually occurs after a brain injury, which forms the cut-off point for memories." I narrowed my eyes, trying to remember the other two. "The second one is Retrograde amnesia is the case where, following a trauma, the patient is unable to recall important memories and information from before that event. The third, which I'm hoping you have, Transient global amnesia is so-called because it only lasts for a short period of time, but affects a large portion of past memories."

"How do remember all that?" I asked incredulously. Of course, I was one to talk. I couldn't remember anything.

Hermione blushed. "I had to learn all this in order to become a doctor, and I love to read. It's sort of a hobby for me." Just then we pulled into a large apartment building. Hermione's apartment was very small, but it had an incredible about of books. I liked that. Maybe I used to like reading? Well, at least I'll have plenty of books to read when I felt bored.

But back to the apartment. It was very messy, but more of the 'don't have enough room for all this crap' kind of messy. Cluttered, I guess you could say. There was a kitchen, a living room that had a TV and a lot of movies and books, a bathroom, and two other rooms that had closed doors.

"It's not much. It's just a place to stay until I get enough money to get a better place. My friends offered to let me borrow some money, but I couldn't accept it." Hermione said, looking a little bit embarrassed. "Oh, and you'll be staying in the room on the left. And you can probably see where everything is, so there is no need for me to show you around. You should lie down for a while and rest, and I'll make some lunch." Yeah, because I haven't gotten much sleep the past 21 years (The doctors had told me right before I left.), but I didn't dare say it to Hermione, especially since I was staying at her house.

I just nodded, and walked over to my new room. It was a pretty small room with just a bed, a desk, and a couple, you guessed it, bookshelves. This woman must really love reading!

I lay down, and even though I had thought I wasn't tired, I fell into a deep sleep.

A/N- The next chapter we get Lily's first flash back! Woohoo! Next update will hopefully be sometimes next week. And please reply to the poll!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Thanks for responding to the poll! But as the romance hasn't started yet, its not too late to answer!

Speak

Chapter Three  
_I woke up to the smell of my mother's chocolate chip pancakes, as I do every Saturday. It's my favorite day of the week because of it, and because mum will take us to the park. I know as an eleven year old I am way too old to do this, but I love playing on the jungle gym, especially the slide and the swings. _

_I roll over, a huge smile plastered on my face, as I remembered that today was the day I turn eleven. _

"_First call for pancakes!" Mum calls up the stairs. I slowly get out of bed, knowing that I have two more calls before I have to get down to the kitchen. _

"_Second call for pancakes!" I get out of bed, taking a quick peek in the mirror as I do. My untamable red hair was in knots, my freckly face seemed to have even more freckles over night (my mother used to tell me they were angel kisses, and even though I know better, I like to believe that.) and my green eyes were as ugly as ever. Why couldn't I look more like my sister Petunia?_

"_Third call for pancakes. Get your butt down here right now, Lily Marie Evans!" I stop staring at myself, knowing I'm in trouble if she says my full name, and run as quickly as I can to the kitchen. I know that if there is a fourth call, I don't get to have any, and let me tell you from experience, that's no fun at all. _

"_There you are." Mum grins. She hands me a plate of pancakes, and the syrup, and I walk over to the table where a place setting and a glass of milk is waiting for me. My older sister Petunia doesn't even acknowledge me, but I lean over and as brightly as I can say, "Morning, Petunia." She and I used to be close, but when she turned ten she started to pretend I don't exist, and got more into fashion and boys (yuck!) Mum says that we will become close again when we're older, but I doubt it. Besides, sometimes it feels like I'll never grow up. _

_I am interrupted from my thoughts when my mother places a present on the table. I open it up, and there was the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Mum must have noticed me eying it in the bookstore near our house. _

"_Thanks mum!" I exclaim enthusiastically, jumping up to give her a huge hug. She eyes me, her eyes apologizing for the fact that dad isn't here. Dad is a lawyer, and works a lot. I've gotten used to it, and I know he will give me a present later tonight when he comes home. Mum looks at Petunia expectantly, and Petunia reluctantly hands me a present. I open it. It's a make up kit that I know I won't touch in a million years. Mum looks disapprovingly at the presents (she hates makeup) but says nothing. _

"_Thanks Petunia!" I say, putting a fake smile on my face. _

_Once I finish, I race back upstairs to get ready for the park. I wear jeans, a black t-shirt so if it gets dirty it won't be noticeable, sneakers, and try to get at least the more noticeable knots out of my hair, and put it in a ponytail to hide the knots that were impossible to get out. _

_I brushed my teeth in a record breaking time, and then went back downstairs, all ready to go. Needless to say I was panting_

_Mum was reading a letter. Why was there an owl in our kitchen? And why was Petunia glaring at me more than usual? "Freak." She muttered before leaving. What had happened that was so bad that it made being in the room with me unbearable? Had I gotten a bad report from school? But if that was the case, Petunia would be grinning, happy to beat me in something. And mum wouldn't be smiling like she was now. She would be giving me that disappointed look that I couldn't bear. _

"_Oh Lily!" mother said, giving me a huge bone crushing hug. I give her an inquisitive look, so she hands me the letter. _

_**Dear Miss Evans,**_

_**I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. **_

_I drop the letter, unable to read any further. "You and Petunia do all this for a practical joke?" I feel hurt. _

"_It's not a joke, pumpkin. At least, not from us. You're friend Carolyn got it too. Apparently her whole family are witches and wizards. You'll be going shopping with them later on today. Oh, I am so proud of you, and I know you're father will be too!" Mum says, tears in her eyes. But I can't stop thinking about what she said. So that's why Carolyn never lets me go to her house. At least I don't have to lie to me best friend about why I have to suddenly go to a boarding school. _

"_We still have time to go to the park if we hurry pumpkin." Mum says, checking her watch. I nod enthusiastically, and off we go._

I wake up, gasping and panting and sweating. Had it really been a dream? Of course it was. Even if I had no idea how old I was (I made a mental note to ask Hermione later) I know at least that I am not eleven. But why could I still smell the faint scent pancakes? Or had my dream come true? No, I was still in Hermione's apartment. My room in the dream had looked different. I get out of bed, and walk towards the kitchen to see if I could find the answers to my questions.

To my surprise I see Hermione in the kitchen, batter on her face and apron, making chocolate chip pancakes.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N-Woohoo! I just saw the 5th Harry Potter trailer, tomorrow is my birthday, and on Thanksgiving I have been on this site for one year, so I wanted to spread the joy, as corny as that sounds. I am taking applications for people in the story (flashbacks) so if you would like to be in it some time or another, tell me your name(or a name you like and made up) year, house (please remember not everyone can be in Gryffindor or Slytherin), looks, and personality. Thanks!

Speak

Chapter Four

The floor under my feet squeaks as I quickly turn around to go back to my room.

Hermione turns around, and I see batter on her nose too.

"Good, you're up. I'm just making chocolate chip pancakes. They used to be my favorite when I was a child and my nanny would make them for me." I just nod, not really sure what to say.

"Can I help?" I finally offer after a very uncomfortable silence.

"Yes. Please set the table. Silverware is in the first drawer to the right, plates in the cabinet on the other side of the room, and napkins are already on the table." Hermione directs, completing the first pancake.

By the time I set the table and put orange juice in the glasses, breakfast was ready. I slather on an amazing amount of syrup and take a first bite. It was the weirdest thing, but while I was chewing slowly, I compared these pancakes to the one in my dream. That's normal, right?

Fortunately I was interrupted by the door opening, and in walked a red haired man who was very tall and thin. Hermione froze, fork halfway to her mouth, then rushed over to the door, went outside and pulled the man with her, and shut the door. What was she saying? I admit, I was curious, so I had a couple bites, and raced to the door, pressing my ear against it.

I can't hear much anyway, but Hermione is whispering, which makes it a lot harder. I do manage to catch a couple things though, like Kendra, tell, memory, Ronald, and recover.

I press my ear even harder against the door, but it's no use. Besides I can hear Hermione walking back to the door. Oh crap! She can't see me!

Making as little noise as possible, I race back to the table and resume eating. Just in time, I must say, because as soon as I take another bite of pancakes, Hermione opens the door, and smiles at me. I'm surprised that she can't hear my heart, which is beating so hard it almost hurts. At least I know I'm not much of an athlete!

The man gives a little cough and a nod towards me. Hermione blushes, and says, "How stupid of me! I forgot to introduce you to each other! Kendra, this is my boyfriend Ronald-at this he adds that he prefers to be called Ron- and Ron, this is Kendra, who will be staying with me for a little while." It was funny, but even though Hermione had introduced Ron as her boyfriend, I wasn't convinced.

Sure, Ron looks at her adoringly, as if this were the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but Hermione looked as if Ron was more of a friend or acquaintance than lover. Besides, I could see no love in her eyes, only pain.

Ronald gives another little cough, and I realize I'm staring. Now I'm the one blushing.

"Nice to meet you." I say, and shake his hand.

"Would you like to stay for pancakes, Ron?" Hermione says once the introductions are done, starting to take another plate out of the cupboard.

Ron looks at my plate, looking very tempted, before giving himself a little shake and saying, "I can't. Remember the new Quiditch diet? I can't eat any unhealthy foods until the Quiditch season is over." Hermione returns the plate, and walks Ron to the door. Ron says a soft goodbye, and then leans in for a kiss. I can see Hermione hesitate for a moment before relaxing and returning the kiss. Then he breaks away and leaves, with one last look in my direction. Or the pancakes direction I should say.

Hermione gives a deep sigh, and then returns to the table, but does not resume eating. Instead she looks at me and says, "What do you want to do today? I was thinking we could go shopping for clothes for you-at this I look down and realize I am still wearing the hospital loaned clothes- get a bite to eat, and then catch a movie?" I nod, only half listening. I'm still thinking of her conversation with Ron. Maybe by hanging out with each other, she'll trust me more, and tell me about what is going on with her and Ron. Or I might very well die of curiosity.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N-Updates will no longer be weekly. Sorry! Oh and if anyone has any ideas, I will take them into consideration, and it will help me update sooner. I don't really like this chapter, but its sort of leading up to the next one.

Speak

Chapter Five

"Hurry up Kendra! What's taking you so long?" Hermione cried from the front door. I was in Hermione's room, looking into her closet, trying to figure out what to wear. Most of her clothes were simple and not a lot of fun: knee length skirts, white blouses, business suits of various colors, a pair of baggy pants, and a couple pairs of loose jeans.

"Not all women are like you, Hermione! It takes us more than five minutes to get ready! We actually want to look somewhat decent!" I retort. I ponder for a moment, taking one last glance at all the clothes before deciding on jeans and a simple yellow t-shirt. Since it was quite chilly out, I also picked out a soft, a gorgeous yellow and orange scarf, and quickly change into everything before Hermione could say something else.

When I finally am ready, and walk out of the room, Hermione is standing there tapping the floor with her foot, a bored and irritated expression on her face.

"Finally." She snaps. I decide its better not to say anything, and just follow her to her car. It was our first day hanging out together, and I wanted to make a good impression.

Silently we walked to the car. It was a comfortable silence, like one between two good friends who have known each other for so long, no words are needed to know what the other was thinking. I had this kind of friendship with Carolyn. Woah. Where did that come from? Carolyn was just a person from my dream. But suddenly I wasn't too sure. What am I thinking?

"Er" I started. What was I going to say? I just needed to get rid of the silence.

"Yeah?" Hermione asked, getting out her car keys to open the car.

"So how long have you and Ron been dating?"

"Well, he's liked me since second year, I think, but he didn't have enough courage to ask me out until I was twenty, so that would be- about two years." If you have been seeing him so long, then why don't you ask him? But of course I didn't say that.

"I see. So what movie are we seeing?"

"I'm not sure. I was going to check the newspaper, but I couldn't find the listings, so I thought we would see what's out when we got there."

Four hours and six shopping bags later we arrived back at Hermione's flat. What movie did we see? I honestly have no idea. I think it was some boring documentary which might explain why I fell asleep within minutes of the movie starting. No dreams thankfully, but I got great rest. Afterwards we went to this great Pizza place called Alessandro's, and we headed out to the mall. I really had fun, even with Hermione's complaining. Apparently she's not much of a shopper, but once we went to a bookstore, she was satisfied. I dropped the shopping bags on the floor and threw myself on the bed. After a moment, I get up and get a book out of my bags. It was Lord of the Rings. Ok, so I was curious? Sue me.

By the end of the first page I was hooked. So imagine my displeasure when Hermione came into my room about ten minutes later. And without knocking too. I could have been naked! I wasn't, but she didn't know that!

"Get dressed into your fancy skirt and blouse." She ordered. And she doesn't even say please!

"Why?" I ask grumpily. Can't I just get a bit of peace and quiet around here?

"It's my friend Harry's birthday party."

A/N-Haha, a bit of a cliffhanger there. I wonder what's going to happen next… I'm evil. does and evil laugh Feedback please!


	6. Chapter 6

Speak

Chapter Six

I sat in the front seat of Hermione's car, playing with a long strand of hair that managed to get loose from my ponytail. I was playing with it for two reasons: I felt nervous, and it was the only thing that stopped me from running out of there as fast as I could and go back to Hermione's apartment.

I don't know why I felt this way, but every instinct in my body was telling me not to go to this party. I don't understand it, as the only friend of Hermione's I had met was Ron, and even though I had only been around him for a couple minutes, I liked him. He seemed like a nice enough guy who cared a lot about Hermione.

'_Don't go, don't go, don't go.'_ My mind seemed to be telling me. I willed for it to shut up.

"We're here." Hermione said at last, pulling into a driveway. I wasn't really paying much attention, but I could see the house was really nice. It was a two story house with white paint and blue shutters. The garden looked as if someone had spent a lot of time on it, with the green grass that wasn't too tall, and was filled with flowers such as daisies, roses, tulips, daffodils, and lilies. Lots and lots of lilies. It made me feel safe, and I had a warm bubbly feeling inside. My fears were momentarily forgotten.

One thing that caught my attention was that even though was full of people (I could hear several voices trying to talk over the music) Hermione's car was the only one in the street. That puzzled me. Shouldn't the curb be filled with so many cars that it would be hard to find parking? Shouldn't it be impossible to park in the driveway?

"Come on, Kendra. Why aren't you getting out?" Hermione asked, snapping me back into the present.

"Coming." I replied, blushing a little. I hate it when I'm caught spacing out. It makes me feel as if other people will think I'm vulnerable.

I open the car door and as I step out smooth my jean skirt, even though there aren't any wrinkles.

Hermione locked the car, and we walked towards the door. Once inside, a whole bunch of people came to greet her. After they gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, everyone gave her an inquisitive look, silently asking about me. Hermione sighed warily.

"Everyone, this is Kendra. She has amnesia, and will stay with me until she gets her memory back. Kendra, this is Neville, his wife Luna, and their child Melissa. Over here is Seamus, Dean, Ginny, Fred, George, and Oliver." Hermione said, pointing to each one as she said their name. They all said hello, and I shyly murmured hello back.

"It certainly took you long enough to get here." A voice said teasingly from the top of the stairs. Suddenly the air around me grew thick, and I was having a hard time breathing. I saw Hermione open her mouth to say something back, but before I could hear what she was telling Harry, the world around me changed.

"_Hurry up, Lily!" Carolyn exclaimed excitedly. We were at Kings Cross, in front of the barrier between platforms nine and ten, getting ready to board the Hogwarts Express. I looked at Mum, starting to feel the bittersweetness of starting Hogwarts. While I would be doing something different in a place I could make a new start, make new friends, I didn't want to leave Mum. She is what keeps me going in this world. How will I survive without seeing her encouraging smile every day? Her "I love you Pumpkin"?_

_Mum's eyes look misty as she gives me a huge hug and a huge kiss. I know she was sad because usually when she kisses me, she says "a kiss for every freckle" which I have a lot of. "Promise you'll write to me as soon as you get there." My throat has a huge lump, and I don't trust my voice enough when this happens to speak, so I just nod. With one last tight squeeze she lets me go. A couple tears roll silently down my cheek. I wipe them away with my sleeve. It's a good thing that I, unlike Petunia, don't use mascara, or I would be even more of a mess now._

"_Come on." Carolyn says impatiently, tugging at the sleeve of my light jacket. Carolyn isn't close to her parents, so she doesn't understand the pain I'm going through. I wish she did, so I could have someone to confide in that would understand exactly how I felt. _

_With one last wave to Mum and a quick peek behind my shoulders to make sure no one was looking, I run through the barrier. All I hear is a Whoosh sound, and I am through. A second later Carolyn is next to me. "Congratulations. You are now officially a student at Hogwarts." She whispers, her warm breath tickling my ear. I grin, unsure if I am happy or sad about this. _

A/N- Yay! Another chapter done. It was supposed to be longer, but I needed to put something up soon. Just a little note: flashbacks are going to be different from a story that takes place completely in the marauder era. It's more like a summery, or flashbacks would be like thirty chapters, not to mention the other half of the story. But I'm doing the best I can for a subject that's sort of hard to do. Review please! Oh, and don't worry, there will be more about the party in the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

Speak

Chapter Seven

And as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. I could hear the muffled voices of the people around me. The muffled voices from people in the real world. Yes, the real world. The world I was just pulled into for the second time is not real. I'm not Lily, and never had been.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. One moment she was fine, and the next she was on the ground, looking like she was having a seizure."

"Should we move her?"

"We can't just leave her here. We should get help!"

"Is she dead?"

"Look! She's starting to move! I think she's waking up!" At this I slowly sit up, opening my eyes. Everyone is leaning over me, and the closeness of everyone was making me feel dizzy. I close my eyes for a moment until the dizziness is gone.

"Are you okay?" a man asks hesitantly. I think his name was Neville. Hermione's introductions seem very far away, as though it had happened hours or days ago instead of minutes.

"Yeah." I mumble, feeling embarrassed at all the attention. "What exactly happened?" I wanted to hear their point of view. Someone from the outside.

This time it was Hermione who spoke. She had slipped through the spaces of the small group, and was now crouching beside me, a concerned look on her face. I felt guilty for worrying her and ruining her evening, even if I couldn't exactly help it.

"Well, I'm not really sure. All the sudden you were on the ground, moving like you were having a seizure and mumbling incoherently. And then all the sudden you were still." Hermione holds out a hand, and helps me up. People get even closer, preparing to catch me if I were to fall again. Though annoying, how concerned they were to a stranger they had just met was touching. If everyone was like that, the world would be a much better place.

"You should drink something, Kendra, and then we'll leave. Sit on the couch while I get a glass of water, ok?" Hermione says, starting to walk away.

"I'll help you. I need to talk to you anyway." A man who I assume to be Harry says, going after her. I don't sit on the couch, but I lean against the wall and close my eyes, replaying what I had seen in my mind. A couple minutes later Hermione is back, and when she hands me my glass of water I can tell she's hurt. She's trying to hide it, but I can tell that whatever Harry told her hurt Hermione deeply. I can see it in her eyes.

Suddenly I realize how dry my throat feels, so I gulp the water down in one gulp.

"Ready?" Hermione asks through clenched teeth. I nod, and off we go. Once in the car, Hermione gives a frustrated scream.

"Harry wanted my opinion on an engagement ring! He's planning to propose to her tonight over dinner. Can you imagine? Harry, married? And to Ginny no less! I love Ginny with all my heart, but Harry deserves someone… who knows him better! Ginny hardly does, she doesn't even see beyond the scar!"

After this little rant, Hermione bursts into soul wrenching sobs. I put my arms around her, my heart breaking along with hers. There is no doubt in my mind that Harry is the one she truly loves, but Harry loves another, so Hermione reluctantly agreed to be with one who loved her. And in between sobs, Hermione asks, "Why can't things end happily ever after like in the stories? Why can't life be easy?"

A/N- Bit of an angsty chapter there. Poor Hermione. I wonder if I will have any mercy on her… so now there's yet another twist in this plot. Man, this is going to get confusing soon. Ah well, at least I updated. Bit short, but I think that was a good place to stop, don't you? Feedback please!


	8. Chapter 8

Speak

Chapter Eight

The next day Hermione didn't come out of her room. Often during the day I felt tempted to go in there, but I couldn't do that to her. I knew that having people bother you didn't exactly help with the whole feeling miserable thing, and despite the fact that most people say that talking about your feelings is good for you, it really makes matters worse. Besides, I didn't want to be an annoyance.

The next day wasn't any better, or the next day, or the day after that. At first I just stayed around the house reading books, cleaning up, and leaving food out after I ate just in case she wanted to come out. I think she came out late at night, so I wouldn't see her blotchy red eyes. Women, even ones like Hermione, are odd that way.

Eventually I got bored, and I had long finished all one thousand pages of Lord of the Rings, and although I had tried rereading them, I couldn't. I guess I was the type who could only reread something after long periods of time.

I decided to go out and walk around a little bit. I take some money from Hermione's change bowl on the table (just in case I get hungry later on and need a snack) and shout out, "I'm going out!" Hermione doesn't respond, so I'm not sure if she actually heard me. I debate on opening the door and repeating it, but decide against it. I'm a big girl, and I can leave a note. Besides, most likely she won't even notice I'm gone.

Once I am outside, the brightness was too much for me after being so accustomed to staying inside. I blink heavily, shading my eyes with my hand, wishing that when Hermione and I had gone shopping I had thought of buying sun glasses. Once the sunlight is no loner blinding, I put my hands in my pocket, whistling random notes, no particular song.

Before long I am out of our neighborhood and into a shopping area. I window shop, deciding to get Hermione a small gift. Maybe that would cheer her up a bit. At the end of the street I notice a store so small that I almost miss it. Indeed the people around me walk past as if it isn't there at all. Deciding to look closer, to make sure it was really real and not my imagination I suppose, I open the door cautiously and entered.

Right away I was overcome by the smoke. People all around were smoking cigars, clinking brandy glasses, and talking and laughing cheerfully. It looked as if it were some sort of celebration. I cough from the cigarette/cigar smoke, and the people from the table closest to me look up.

"Come sit down with us!" One of them booms loudly.

"I didn't mean to intrude." I said, backing up slowly.

"Nonsense. Tom, get another glass of brandy, my treat!" he booms. Immediately the bartender rushes over, pulling out a glass out of midair. I am so astonished I don't even argue as the man pushes me into a chair. "Everyone should celebrate anniversary of the day you-know-who was defeated!" The man continues.

He continues staring at me. I take a small sip, and that seems to satisfy him for he finally looks away. Once his gaze is elsewhere, I push away the glass. After all, the coma had taken away twenty years of my life. Did I really want to make my life shorter by drinking or doing things that could affect my health and body?

However, instead of getting up and leaving as any sensible person would, I stay still. I was curious to know who this you-know-who was, and why everyone was so happy for his defeat. So I commit a sin by eavesdropping. It is hard at first to listen because everyone was talking loudly at the same time, but slowly I grow accustomed to the noise, and begin to pick up pieces of conversations here and there.

"There is yet another reason to celebrate. I hear that Hogwarts will be reopening soon!" A woman across the bar exclaims excitedly. I turn my head quickly. Had I heard correctly?

"Certainly took them long enough." A man sitting across from the woman remarks.

"Well, the death eaters had almost destroyed it completely, and you know how large Hogwarts is. Even using magic took a long time. Especially when they had to renew all the spells surrounding it." The woman responds. Magic? These people must be crazy! Maybe I'm dreaming, and this really isn't happening. I pinch myself, only to find that this is very much a reality.

"I still can't believe that Harry Potter, a boy of only seventeen years old, could not defeat Voldemort, when wizards wise and powerful, such as Dumbledore, couldn't." Another man remarks, an awed expression on his face. His companion hisses at him to call him you-know-who. Harry Potter? Death Eaters? Voldemort? Besides Harry Potter, all those words seemed familiar somehow. Then I remembered. Hermione had mentioned them on the way home from the hospital. If anyone could explain everything to me, she could. I get up, and rush out of there as fast as I could.

A/N- Exciting chapter there. That was fun to write. Feedback please! And if anyone wishes to talk to me, I have a neopets account. The link is in my profile. And please check out my new Remus/OC story called Love is a Battlefield! It's going to be humerous, and the first two chapters are already up.


	9. Chapter 9

Speak

Chapter Nine

"Hermione, Hermione!" I cry, rushing into her room without bothering to knock.

She was in bed, and her only response was to pull her pillow over her head. I, however, was too desperate for answers to be dismissed by this action. I walked over to her bed, and pulled her covers off, snatched her pillow, and proceeded to poke her until she looked at me with a murderous look in her eye. If looks could kill…

"You could have had at least the courtesy to knock! For all you know, I could have been naked." Ironically, that's what I thought when Hermione barged into my room without knocking. But that's completely beside the point.

"Now then, what was so important that you couldn't wait?" Hermione asked with an irritated expression. I gulped. Now that I was actually face to face with her, I wasn't sure how to put what had happened into words. Maybe I should have just ignored them; maybe it was just the result of being in a coma for so long. That dreams become reality and vice versa, and soon it is hard to tell which is which.

"Well, I was taking a walk, and soon I came across a small pub." I began, fiddling with a stray piece of brown hair.

"Wow, a pub. How incredible. May I please have my blankets back so I can go back to sleep?" Hermione mumbled sarcastically. I sighed. With Hermione in this mood, it would be even harder to make her understand.

"I'm not done yet. So I walked inside, because to most, it wasn't even noticeable, and I wanted to know why. They were having a celebration of some sort. I began to overhear things. Things about Hogwarts reopening, a celebration of the defeat of Voldemort and his death eaters by Harry Potter. They sounded rather familiar, and I remembered that in the car ride home from the hospital that you mentioned those words."

Hermione looked more awake now. She climbed out of bed, stretched, and rubbed her eyes. If it had been any other conversation, I would have complimented her pajamas, a lion with a red and gold background.

"At least those fools are getting better at hiding their celebrations. All right then. I suppose you want an explanation?" I nod eagerly, happy that at last she is taking me seriously.

"I suppose I knew you would find out, which is why I did not take great care in hiding it from you. I just didn't expect it to be so soon. All right then, here is the truth: we are all witches and wizards. Hogwarts is the school all witches and wizards from England go to when they are eleven, and finish when they are seventeen. This next part is really hard to explain, and made even harder by your lost of memory, but I shall try my best.

"There is a division in the wizarding world: those whose entire family are witches and wizards are known as pure-bloods. Those of us, myself included, who are either the only witches in our family (and we are known as muggle borns, because a muggle is what we call people without magic) or somewhere in our line we either have a muggle born or a muggle. Those are called half bloods. Most people agree on the fact that your parentage has nothing to do with how good a witch or wizard you are, but there are those who disagree.

"One such wizard under the name of Voldemort felt that way. He felt that the only suitable witches and wizards were those who ere pure bloods. He and a group of followers called Death Eaters went around torturing and killing muggle borns and muggles, trying to rid the world of them. There is more to the story, but I think Harry is the only one who can properly tell you this part, as it is his story." I nod again, feeling a lack of emotion. Perhaps I feel this way because the words had not yet sunk in. Just then the door bell rang.

"Can you answer that? Meanwhile I'll try to get ready." Hermione asked, getting completely out of bed. She and I both know that getting ready does not mean getting dress, it means trying to cover up her red puffy eyes.

The doorbell rings again, and I rush to the door. It is Ron and Harry.

"Hello Kendra. Is Hermione there?" Harry asked, a grave expression on his face.

"Hello. Come in. Hermione will be with you in a second." I feel like a butler. They come in, and sit down on her couch. In a second, Hermione is out. When she sees who it is, it takes her a second to regain her control and not burst out crying.

"Hermione, I need your help."

A/N- The next chapter is really exciting. But I gave a really important clue in this chapter. Anyone who can figure it out gets the chapter in the far future when it is revealed dedicated to them. So review review review!

Sophie


	10. Chapter 10

Speak

Chapter Ten

"Hermione, I need your help." Harry repeated again, clenching his hands together so tightly his knuckles are white. He must be worried. I pause for a moment, not sure if I should leave or stay. This seemed like a private conversation, so I should probably leave, but I was curious, and they seemed to have forgotten I was there. Not to mention that Hermione would probably fill me in later. I sit down on the couch opposite from Harry, and wait patiently.

"Of course I'll help you Harry. About what?"

"Well, as you know, I have been working on building my parents a grave elsewhere. They didn't want an elaborate funeral or tombstone, so they had a simple tombstone on top of a hill nearby Godric's Hollow."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Hermione asked with a perplexed expression on her face. She sat down next to me.

"Well, they were finally ready for the bones to be moved. But the bones weren't there. My parent's bones are missing. Both of them… We need help finding whoever took them, and where they are. And you are the best at magic out of the three of us."

"That's not true, and you know it. I'm not the one who defeated Voldemort. But I will help. Who could do such a thing?"

"We're suspecting either Voldemort himself, or one of his followers. If it is one of his followers, we just need to hunt the ones who escaped down, and that's not going to be easy. Even with all the aurors searching it has been declared a lost cause." The air grew thick again. 'Oh no, not now, please not now' I prayed, hoping it would help. It didn't, and once more the world changed.

"_Anderson, Carolyn!" A woman with a severe face, a tight bun, and green robes called out. I think her name was Professor McGonagall, but I'm bad with names so I'm not sure. Of course, me being bad at names wasn't exactly a good thing, with all the new students around. There were at least fifty new students. _

_Carolyn walked up to the hat with a determined braveness, but deep down I knew she was as scared as I was. Still, her at least pretending to be brave made me feel better. She put the hat on, and the seconds passed by like hours. What if nothing happened? No, that couldn't be. Her entire family are witches and wizards. It's me I should be worried about. What if some sort of mistake was made? I gulp. 'No use dwelling on things that I can't control.' I told myself sensibly. _

_Fortunately just then the hat shouts out, "Slytherin!" or I don't think I could have followed my own advice very well. One of the tables bursts out into boos while another bursts out into applause. _

_McGonagall calls out a few more names and I start to space out. On the train a trolley had passed by, and Carolyn had offered me something to eat, but I was too nervous then to eat. Plus the food was kind of odd, and I was scared I might turn into a rat or something. You never know with magic… But I was starting to regret my decision when my stomach gave a huge rumble. I blush slightly, and hope no one heard._

"_Evans, Lily!" _

_My blush deepens, and this time not from embarrassment, but from fear. _

_Once the hat is put on, the hat begins to speak. Wow, that sounds odd. "You have a smart mind, am loyal, and I sense braveness deep down." The hat began. I snort at the last part. Braveness? Look at me, I'm shaking all over! _

"_Don't underestimate your braveness. It will come out in time. Perhaps we should give you some inspiration? Better by GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouts out the last part. Relieved that it's all over (I don't really like having someone read all my thoughts. I mean, pardon me for saying this, but my thoughts are meant for ME and ME alone!), I walk to the Gryffindor table, which bursts out into applause. I sit down at last, which is a good thing because my legs feel like jello, and I don't know how much longer I could stand. _

_I sat next to no one. I guess I thought that if I couldn't sit with Carolyn (stupid house rules!) I could sit next to a fellow new student. Finally, a student sat next to me. He had jet black hair and hazel eyes, which had a mischievous expression in them. His school robes were untidy, as if he didn't want to wear them, and it gave him the casual look. _

"_I'm Potter. James Potter." He says in a James Bond voice. I laugh lightly._

"_Evans, Lily Evans." I reply in the same tone. James laughs too, but looks a little surprised. I guess he thought I wouldn't reply in the same manner. He doesn't say anything though, because a man with a very long beard walks up, and starts the speech. If it had been my old school, I would have spaced out the entire time, but this time I paid attention. I had a feeling it would be important. (a/n- I don't think I'd do justice to Dumbledore's speech, so I'm just going to do the end)_

"_Nitwick, blubber, enjoy your feast!"_

_And as soon as those words were said, the plates were filled with every food imagined for dinner. I help myself to a piece of lamb, shepherds pie, rosemary roasted potatoes, and chocolate pudding. James helped himself to food, and leaned over to take a bite of my potatoes._

"_Hey," I say, jokingly slapping his hand away, "eat your own food!"_

The scene changes suddenly quickly. I barely have any time to take another breath, or even get up from the floor.

_The next morning I rushed out to breakfast as soon as I could. I had plenty of time before class started, but I wanted to get to my class early. The prefects gave everyone maps, but I've always been bad at following directions, so I wanted to get started as early as I could. Then I notice Carolyn walking towards the Slytherin table, giggling with a couple girls. Had she found a replacement for me already? I shoved that thought away. Of course not. There was nothing wrong with making new friends._

"_Carolyn, wait up!" I call out. I run towards her. Once I catch up, her new friends sneer menacingly at me, but I don't care. I just need to hear a reassurance from Carolyn that we are still friends. _

"_I'll catch up with you guys later." Carolyn says to her new friends. They nod reluctantly and sit down at the table. Carolyn takes my arm and leads me to a deserted area._

"_Look, Lily, we shouldn't be seen together. I'm a Slytherin, you're a Gryffindor, and Slytherins and Gryffindors aren't friends. Besides, I don't want you to get hurt."_

"_But why? Why should a silly tradition break up our friendship?" I asked, stunned. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. _

"_Because it's the way things are. And you don't know these people. They will hurt you just for being a Gryffindor and-" She breaks off suddenly, as if she doesn't want to hear the next part. "I'm sorry, Lily."_

_I run out of the room, not hungry any more. The last thing I hear is the cheers of the Slytherin girls, and them congratulating her for getting rid of the mudblood. I don't know what that is, but I find myself not caring. I never should have gone here. Once I find my first class of the day (Charms) I sit in the corner and say what Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz said. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." If only Dorothy new how true that was. And I don't have a pair of magical red slippers to take me home. _

A/N- Sorry for the long wait, but this was a LONG chapter. I'm sorry I didn't make the conversation between Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but I couldn't think of anything to say, and the more flashbacks Lily gets, the more the story moves. Please review! It helps me update faster.


	11. Chapter 11

Speak

Chapter Eleven

"Why is it that every time I see you, you pass out? Am I really that bad of a person to be around?" Harry asked, sounding amused as I slowly opened my eyes. I was finding it hard to breathe. It felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach, so all the wind was knocked out of me. Hermione was the only one to notice how I felt. Ron was busy teasing Harry about his 'horrible company'.

"Put your head in your knees, and I'll get you a cup of water. Try to relax, okay? Slowly count to seven, breathe in, slowly count to seven, and breathe out." I obeyed as best as I could, and when Hermione came back, I drank the water greedily. It's truly amazing how wonderful water can taste sometimes.

"Harry, I'll come by your house later. Right now I need to take care of Kendra." Harry nodded hesitantly, looking as if he knew better than to argue with Hermione, and headed towards the door, with Ron close behind.

"Do you feel better now?" Hermione asked a look of concern in her eyes. Hermione would make a good mother.

"Much." I said, forcing a smile I didn't feel. I felt confused. I wanted answers to so many questions. I could tell I was about to play the 'Why Me?' game at any moment.

"Do you feel light-headed? Do you know why it keeps happening?" Hermione inquired. I hesitated. Should I tell her about all these… visions I keep having? After all, she was a doctor. But what if it was nothing? What if it was all part of my imagination? For all I knew of my past, I could be a crazy person.

"No to both." I said. And in a way I suppose it was true. After all, I really didn't know why it kept happening.

"Hmmm. Maybe it's all the excitement. The two times you've passed out, there was a lot going on. Merlin, I keep forgetting you just came out of a coma a little while ago. Well, you should relax. I'll make you a cup of tea, and then you should go take a bath. Maybe read a while too. It could just be me, but I always find all those things to help." Hermione instructed, sounding like the doctor she was.

I was happy to obey. I got my 'Fellowship of the Rings' book, some vanilla scented candles, and borrowed a box of chocolates from Hermione's room. When in doubt, eat chocolate.

&&&

When I got out of the bath, Hermione was gone. I went to the fridge and got out a box of Macaroni and Cheese. It took a while to get ready because it took some time for me to figure out how to follow the instructions. When it was ready at last, I got a green bowl out, and gave myself a huge helping of the cheesy meal. Hallucinating must work up an appetite.

I took a huge spoonful, and stuffed it into my mouth, ignoring the fact that it was steaming hot and would most likely burn my mouth.

Macaroni and Cheese was Lily's favorite food. Wait, how did I know that? I pushed the bowl away, suddenly not hungry anymore. That was it. I was telling Hermione. I didn't care if I got locked up in an asylum any more. Anything to stop these… hallucinating. Anything to make the amnesia go away.

I slowly slipped out of my chair, put my head in my knees, and began to cry softly. The tears were those of frustration more than sadness. Suddenly I wished there was some sort of medicine to make it go away. A 'Bump your head, pass out, and forget who you are? No big deal! Just take this pill, and it will all get better!' kind of thing. I heard the door open, and I quickly wiped away my tears. I knew now was not the time to upset Hermione, especially after she had been upset recently.

"Come on." Hermione said once she entered the kitchen. Since it was such a small flat, she didn't have to look hard for me.

"Where are we going?" I asked, feeling kind of confused.

"Now that you know about our world, I want to show you everything! I also want to see if you recognize anything. I confess that the doctors and I are sure you are a witch, which is why I didn't try very hard to hide everything from you. Anyway, there is this place I know that serves a mean treacle tart. Harry introduced it to me. After all, it is his favorite food."

I nodded slowly. A little fresh air would do me some good, and it freed me from eating the macaroni and cheese.


	12. Chapter 12

Speak

Chapter Twelve

As it turns out, we did not end up going out for dinner after all. Just as we were about to leave the door, the phone began to ring. Hermione stopped, but made no move to pick up the phone. I guess she was waiting to see whether the call/caller was worth it or not. Finally, after six rings, the message began.

"Hey, this is Harry. Well, obviously, seeing as besides your parents, I'm practically the only one who ever calls you. Anyway, Ron, Remus, and I are at my parent's grave, trying to see if the, er, 'kidnapper' left anything behind, anything that could lead us to either him, or my parent's bones. We, well I, was hoping that you could stop by and help us out, so call me back when you—" it stopped because Hermione had finally picked up the phone.

"Harry? We'll be on our way. Yes I know where it is. U-huh, u-huh, okay. Bye!" Hermione hung up, and looked at me. "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to put dinner off. Maybe tomorrow. Do you want to come?" I nodded.

&&&

"Hermione, can I talk to you for a moment?" Harry asked the second we got there. He pulled her away, but it was still in my hearing distance. I had to strain pretty hard, but I could still hear.

"Are you sure it was the best idea to bring her here?"

"I explained it to her, Harry. She knows about the wizarding world."

"That's not what I meant. What if she's a spy?"

"Don't be ridiculous. She's been in a coma for twenty-one years! She has amnesia!"

I rolled my eyes at the conversation, and the fact that they were talking about me like I wasn't there. Of course, I wasn't in "hearing distance", so I guess in a way I wasn't there.

The conversation had lost my interest. I wandered off, lost in thought about nothing in particular. Then I stopped suddenly. It felt like, I don't know, that I was meant to be there. That fate had told me to stop. I looked around, hoping to find the reason why. It didn't look like anything out of the ordinary. It was just a bunch of tall trees. They were in a circle, but unless it was the "circle of life" or whatever, like I said before, there was nothing unusual. Then a muddy area caught my eye, and again I felt myself walking there. It was like I had no control over my body, and I felt the urge to dig.

I stared at my hands, and back at the mud, and shook my head. I wasn't getting my hand any dirtier than it absolutely had to be. I walked back to where Harry and Hermione were. They were searching for clues, after all. They probably had shovels with them.

"Why?" Hermione asked when I asked for one.

"Oh, you know, digging to China, looking for treasure, making sand castles, that kind of thing. Perfect opportunity to get in touch with my childish side." I replied, keeping my face as straight as possible while she searched my expression. Finally she shrugged, though Hermione still looked kind of puzzled, and handed me my shovel. I thanked her, and ran back to the area where I was before. I began to dig.

The process was long and tedious, and after a while my arms and neck ached. Several times I wanted to stop, but I continued on anyway. Hermione would probably finish soon, and I didn't know when the next time we would come back would be.

At last my shovel hit something hard. I reached into the hole, and I pulled out a… box. And I doubt it has jewels or anything like that in it. I had just done all that work for nothing? I was about to put the box back, not even attempting to cover the hole (after all, this was England. The rain and wind would cover it up soon) when I noticed something carved on the box. Words, in fact, possibly my least favorite words.

Lily Marie Evans.

"Kendra! We're leaving!" Hermione's voice called out.

"Coming!" I reply. I stared at the box for a moment, wondering what to do. The box was too large to conceal in a pocket or a sleeve. After a second, I decided that there was nothing I could do, and I didn't want Hermione to become impatient, so I started walking towards her, the box in plain sight.

"What's that?" Hermione asked once I got there.

"Oh, just something I found." I said vaguely, hoping she would get the message that I didn't want to talk about it. She did.

"Kendra, I want you to meet a very good friend of mine." Hermione said, nodding towards a stranger standing near me who I hadn't noticed until that moment.

He held out his hand, and I shook it. Then, the strangest thing happened. It was a vision, but it wasn't like my previous visions or whatever they are. Instead, it was more like a flash, and a quick one at that. There was a full moon, partly hidden by wisps of clouds, hanging over a dark forest. Right where the forest began was a creature that looked like a wolf but wasn't, howled to the moon. The howl sent a shiver up my spine, and then it was gone.

"Remus Lupin." The man said, and then let go of my hand. My hand felt strangely empty without Remus' large and warm hands covering him. Despite how weak he looked, his handshake had been firm too. I decided I liked this man.

"Kendra. Pleasure to meet you." I replied, sticking my hands in my pocket to try and get rid of some of the strange feeling.

"I'll try to come by later on." Ron said.

"Yeah, we can watch a movie! I just got a new one." Hermione said. She was a very good actress. I couldn't tell that she didn't want this. But then again, maybe she did want it. I mean, they were friends after all, and Hermione still enjoyed his company.

"I still can't believe that a bookworm has so many movies."

"Just because I like to read, Ronald, doesn't mean that I don't like doing other things." Hermione replied. Before we knew it, they were arguing.

"Come on, I'll drive you home. Trust me, you'll be here all night." Harry said, rolling his eyes in their direction. "Oh, and Remus, here you go." He walked towards Remus, who was walking away, and handed him something. I couldn't see what.

"I'll give this to Moody. This is more in his area of expertise." Remus said, and then he continued walking away.

"Ready?"

I followed him to his car.

(Insert description of car here)

We were quiet at first, just listening to some rock music Harry was playing, until I spoke.

"So, did you find anything?"

"Yes. I'm not really sure what, but Remus is giving it to another friend of ours to see if we can find a way to track it." Harry said. I noticed his grip on the steering wheel tightened, making his knuckles turn white. I blushed, furious at myself for how inconsiderate I was being. Of course Harry wouldn't want to talk about it! We were silent once more, until we arrived at the flat.

"Do you have a key?" Harry asked. I shook my head no. Hermione hadn't gotten around to it yet. In fact, with all the other things going on, both of us had completely forgotten about it. Harry came up with me, and opened the door with a key of his own. Once he was gone, I went to my room, closed the door, and opened the box at long last. What would I find in it?

To my utter disappointment (and yet at the same time, relief) it was locked.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N- You'll be VERY happy to know that the reason Lily hasn't been recognized by Remus and Harry is in fact in this chapter. Yes, there is a reason.

Speak  
Chapter Thirteen

During the wait, I decided to figure out how to turn on the TV. Sure, there doubtlessly had been a TV when I was little (I mean, it wasn't the fifties or anything. At least I hope not, or my life was practically over), but technology had changed, and I barely remembered having a television anyway. While I was watching a show that I wasn't really paying attention to (I think it was called the X-Files) I was thinking of what had happened, as well as previous events.

The locked box immediately came to mind, and I really wish that it hadn't. I could do _nothing_ about it – _nothing_ – so why should I care? But it kept floating up in my thoughts, despite my best intentions, and with it came all of Lily's memories. They had been bugging me for no reason, for too long!

My mind was set. I was telling Hermione. How could I not? My life had been dominated by the life of Lily Marie Evans. In fact, I was starting to believe I… _was_ she. The only way that this could possibly be cured is if I told Hermione. I was sick and tired of it, and I just wanted it to end.

And yet, one part of me, the part of me that I was really starting to hate, said I shouldn't tell her. Once again, I had no control over my feet, and found myself being carried over to the mirror in the bathroom.

_'Look at yourself. Lily has red hair, pale skin, green eyes and freckles. You look nothing like her,'_ the-part-that-I-really-wanted-to-kill said. It was true. My hair was brown. Plain old boring dark brown, that also was the color of my eyes. My skin _was_ pale, and did have a few freckles here and there, but it was nothing like Lily, who had freckles covering practically every inch of her face. There was no doubt in my mind that the dreams were just the ravings of a madwoman.

Still, I was going to tell her. Maybe she could finally make them stop. With that decided, I actually started paying attention to the show. Which was a stupid thing to do, since I should have been focusing on how to say what I wanted to.

At last the door opened. I jumped up, turned off the TV, and ran towards her.

"Have I really been gone that long?" Hermione asked with an amused expression on her face.

"I have something important to tell you." I think Hermione could sense the urgency in my voice, for she dropped everything in her hands on the table near the door, and guided me to the couch where I had been sitting just moments before.

"What is it?"

This was it. This was the moment that I was going to find out if I was going to get sent to an asylum. Yet, I felt no dread. Just peace and relief.

"Since I woke up from the coma, I've been having moments where I'm living the life of someone else. That's why I've been passing out so much. I've been getting these weird vision-things about a person named Lily."

Well, that's what I was _going_ to say. But something went terribly, horribly wrong. When I tried to say it, my throat clogged up. I couldn't breathe and most importantly of all, I couldn't speak. And the harder I tried, the more my throat closed up. What was happening?

My vision was starting to have specks in it, and while darkness surrounded me, I could hear Hermione's voice in my head. It wasn't the Hermione in the flat's voice from today, but rather the one of my first day out of the hospital.

"…The third, which I'm hoping you have, is transient global amnesia. It only lasts for a short period of time, but affects a large portion of past memories..."

Was I possibly reliving my past?

A/N- Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I also apologize for the wait. I knew what I wanted to write, but I was having a hard time putting it in words. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. ANyways, gotta go to OotP now, so I'll talk to you all later.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Thirteen

The next morning I was gloomy. The first day of classes had been interesting, I'll give you that, but without your best friend or even knowing that you have a best friend, it was gloomy. And to top it all off I was feeling more homesick then ever. But Mum would have wanted me to keep up my strength, so I helped myself to some porridge.

"Why so gloomy?" a voice asked behind me. I turned around, and found James standing there.

I sighed. "Oh, nothing," I said, turning back around to the table, and James sat down beside me.

"There's always something wrong when people get that look in their eyes," he told me. "Spill."

I looked over at him. He looked so innocent, just sitting there with that stupid smile on his face. I smiled a little.

"It's just the bitterness of having a long time friendship end."

"Did you leave her behind coming here? There's always summer." I was touched by his concern.

"Not exactly. She's here."

"Then what's the problem?"

"She's in Slytherin," I said as if that explained everything. The odd thing was it seemed like it did by his expression.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence fell. "So, you like chess?" he said abruptly. I was startled by his change of topic.

"Er, never played it."

"Come on, I'll teach you!" he said enthusiastically.

"Can I eat first, please?" I asked, my appetite suddenly coming back.

"Of course! I would never deny someone food." I rolled my eyes at that comment and turned back to the porridge.

While I finished eating, James ran up to the common room to get his chessboard. I was all alone for a few moments, and took the chance to steal a glance at the Slytherin table, where I saw Carolyn sitting almost exactly like I was. The only difference was that she had a carefree expression on her face, unlike how I was just minutes before. How could a person change so much in so little time? I felt like I hardly knew her. I felt like I had just met her. At that moment, she looked in my direction. Not wanting her to notice me looking at her, I looked away. The difference in the color of our robes lingered in my mind, but I shook it away. I didn't want to become like her and judge others by their house.

I heard laughter behind me, and there was James, followed by three boys that I vaguely remembered also being in Gryffindor. "Hello, boys," I say. "I thought you only went to get your chessboard, and you've brought back an entourage!"

"Oh, I'm not playing with the Mudblood," one of them said in a disgusted tone of voice. There was that word again. But what did it mean? It sounded like an insult from the two times I heard it. It reminded me bitterly of Carolyn. Would I ever stop thinking of her?

"Call her that again, and I'll make sure you never say another word. Besides, I don't want to play with you anyway, Black," James snapped. Black walked off with a smirk on his face.

"Git," one of the other boys said.

"Truly," James said. He turned back to me. "So, still up for that chess game?"

"Yes."

"This is Peter and Remus, by the way." He pointed to the two boys.

The years passed by, slow and uneventful for the most part. Black eventually got used to being in Gryffindor (apparently his previous unfriendliness was due to the fact that his entire family were pure-bloods, and he was supposed to be sorted into Slytherin, but something had gone wrong. More house rivalries, I guess), except now we called him Sirius. Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter formed a group known as the Marauders, popular for their mischief and pranks. Still, James always found time to hang out with me, and our friendship grew, until one day...

I threw myself on the ground, sobbing, beneath my favorite tree in April of (fourth? third?) year, a piece of paper in one hand and a photo in the other. I had just gotten the news that... that...

"Hey, Lils, what's the matter?" I heard a very familiar voice say above me. I looked up at James standing above me with a concerned expression on his face.

If it had been a normal day, I would have smacked him playfully on the shoulder. He knew I hated that name, and yet he continued to call me that. He seemed carefree and happy even when looking concerned, and I hated him for it. I glared at him.

"Lily?"

"Go away," I said before digging my head into my arms with a fresh round of tears.

"Not until you tell me what's going on, and maybe not even then. Was Malfoy being a git again? Don't believe what he says, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

Now normally that would have been a good guess at why I was crying, but today was not the time. "I said go AWAY!"

"Okay, but I was just trying to help," James said, looking hurt and annoyed. He walked off, and once again I was alone. I felt kind of sorry that I had hurt his feelings, but not enough to chase after him. I would apologize later. For now I would wallow in my pity. For that letter had not been an ordinary letter, it had been from my Aunt Victoria. My parents had died in a car crash.

How could that be? Mum and Dad were good drivers, they didn't drink, and they always followed the rules of the road. And how could it be that one day they were there, and the next day, they weren't?

I heard something land on the grass beside me. I looked over and saw a very regal-looking owl with a very official looking letter in its beak. I reached out and removed it, and the owl flew away instantly.

I ripped the letter into pieces before I could even see who wrote it.

So. It hadn't been an accident after all. I sobbed even harder. And I couldn't even tell my family the truth.


	15. Important note

With the disappointment brought by DH and my immense dislike for the unsatisfactory ending, I am sorry to say that I will be taking a break from fan fiction and Harry Potter in general. Hopefully it is a phase and not permanent, and hopefully I will be back soon. I can't say, but please don't give up on me or my fics. I will be back. I will not be posting this note for all my fics, however I will leave a note identical to this one in my bio.


	16. Chapter 15

Speak  
Chapter Fifteen

"Lily, come here for a second!" a voice said, startling me. I had been sitting there, mostly feeling sorry for myself at how alone and friendless I felt. Usually I had schoolwork to distract myself, but, much to my displeasure, I had finished it. Normally I would take out a book and read, but today was one of those times where I just didn't feel like it.

My head shot up, trying to figure out who had spoken to me or if, desperate, I had just imagined it all. I hadn't though, for it was Elizabeth Jacobs, whose bed was only three away from mine, who said that. I slid off my bed, hoping it wasn't some sort of a prank. Though I had shared a dormitory with Elizabeth and her friends for years, somehow I didn't know them enough to determine whether or not they were pranksters.

"Yes?" I asked once I was right in front of Elizabeth's bed.

"I want to show you the coolest trick ever." Elizabeth said. If anything, this increased my doubts. I looked at the other girls, not quite certain what to do. How I hated feeling so helpless.

"Don't worry, Mama Lizzie will take good care of you. We don't call her Mama for nothing, you know." Regina Porter said, pulling back the bangs that had fallen over her eyes. Her warm brown eyes on a face that still had some baby fat on it made me trust her.

"Now close your eyes, and relax every muscle in your body." As I obeyed, she snapped seven times right next to my ears, then, grabbing my arms, lifted one over the other seven times.

"Now count to seven in your head and nod when you're done." Once I obeyed, she repeated the process, only with five, and then with three. Just as I was wondering what the hell was supposed to happen, she continued on.

"Repeat after me. Dead man, dead man"

"Dead man, dead man"

"Raise my arms"

"Raise my arms"

"To the heavens of the dead people"

"To the heavens of the dead people"

A strange tingling sensation started in my arms.

"Repeat it again." Elizabeth said. So I did again and again, until I felt my arms starting to rise even with me pulling them down, and when it was up to the middle of my stomach, I stopped.

"Awesome!" I cried feeling very impressed. Assuming it was done, I started walking back to my bed.

"Hey Lily, want to talk with us?" Elizabeth asked. Us included Elizabeth Jacobs, Regina Porter, Amber Smith, and Sara Oney.

Pathetic as it sounds, I really didn't. I wanted to return to my pity party. At least, until the thought of my parent's deaths started haunting me again. That was mostly why I buried myself in class work.

But I also didn't want to hurt their feelings. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so considerate.

"Sure, Elizabeth."

"Just call me Mama Lizzie since everyone else does."

We started talking about various things, anywhere from our life outside of school, to our thoughts on various teachers, and of course, boys. At first I didn't join in much unless talked to directly, but after a while I started giving an opinion here and there, and before I knew it, I was as lively as they were. And for the first time in ages, I was having a blast! Then Amber started teasing Regina, who was talking about this guy she liked named Adam.

"You can't date Adam!"

"Why?" Regina asked slowly and warily, recognizing Amber's tone.

"Because you have to marry James! I mean, all you have to do is change one letter to get from Porter to Potter!" Amber said before bursting into laughter, the other girls joined her, even Regina. I froze up though, the mention of James making my stomach flip. James and I had never repaired our friendship, and now we were not-quite-enemies.

"I should have seen that coming." Said Regina when she at last stopped laughing.

"Er, I just remembered, I have to get something at the library." I lied, getting out of there before they could even respond.

To make matters worse, as I was walking down the hallway, I bumped into James Potter himself. Though usually we passed each other without speaking, he had to choose this time to break the cycle.

"Hey L-Evans, I have a question for you."

"What, Potter?"

"I was wondering if you would like to go out with me to Hogsmeade this weekend." Was he serious? No, he couldn't be. Either this was a prank he was playing on me or it was some sort of a plot to become friends with me again. I wasn't interested in either choice.

"Sorry Potter, not interested." I muttered before pushing him aside and running to the library, hoping that no more nasty surprises would come my way.

A/N-No, I'm not dead! Despite my author's note in the last chapter, some of you may have noticed I updated all of my stories except for this one! It's because I've bad horrible writer's block for months, and only today did it finally go away. Last month before I went trick-or-treating, my best friend's friend did the trick on me found at the beginning of the chapter (which worked) and that inspired me! So, try it, it's really cool, though it's a bit creepy.


	17. Chapter 16

_Speak_

_ChapterSixteen_

_He didn't stop. James asking me out, I mean. It was just every once in a while at first, during a passing period, a quiet moment during lunch, and even once an owl sent to me in the morning. Each time I was absolutely sure it was a joke but, in honor of our past friendship, I would say no in a polite way, an embarrassed smile on my face. I hated the attention, I hated how uncomfortable it made me feel, hated how unsure I felt. _

_But after a while it grew to be constant. Barely a day-barely a few hours! - could pass without James coming up to me, a what I assumed to be fake smile on his face. With each passing time, it irritated me more and more. At first I was polite, but then I started getting a little ruder._

_"I told you, Potter, I said NO!" I yelled at him in the middle of a crowded hallway one afternoon in our fourth year. He just smirked, ignoring the stares all around us as we made our way to our next class. I resisted the urge to push him, hit him, or do anything violent to him. We were too close to Professor McGonagall's class, and while I didn't care to get detention at all, she was the person I would least want to get detention from. _

_&&&_

_A few weeks after that incident, I was sleeping in for one of those rare times. Or sleeping in for me, anyway. I usually woke up anywhere from six to seven-thirty, and right now it was almost nine. Everyone else was still asleep and from habit I didn't even have to think about being noiseless as I got ready. This time though, before I could slip my clothes on, a glimpse of white made me run to the window. Living in this part of the world, snow was nothing new. In fact, I didn't like snow very much. But this time was different. I slipped on a robe over my nightgown and put on slippers to cover my feet, and then instinct was pushing me outside. _

_It was instinct that made me walk through the common room not caring about the whispers of, "What is Lily Evans doing? Is she sane? Well, of course she isn't sane because she keeps refusing James Potter, but you know what I mean." of the people already awake. And finally, I was outside. Most people were in their common rooms, eating breakfast, or sleeping, so I was the only one out there, other then a seventh year couple. But they were too busy having a snowball fight and occasionally cuddling to notice anyone else. Without a second thought, I fell into the snow and rolled on my back. Instantly, I held back a loud shriek of how cold it was. It was the worst physical pain I had ever been in, and it was one of those times where it was so cold it burned. But there was something else there too…freedom. The burning feeling made it feel like the snow was going right through the layers of my soul, seeing me for who I really was._

_I often had the feeling that (and perhaps it was because I was a moody teen) no one really knew me. No one really understood who I was. But the snow knew me, better than I knew myself even. I lay there thinking about the past, and then about the future. And then I thought about neither the past nor the future, but the present, the feeling of snow between my fingers at this moment. It wasn't very smart, I know, lying in the snow with practically nothing on. I knew that I would regret this later, but now I didn't care. The phrase, "living in the now" ran through my head. _

_A face popped in front of the sun that I was currently staring up at. A very familiar face. _

_"What the hell are you doing, Evans?" Potter asked me, bending down on one knee beside my spread-eagle form. I noticed he had all of his appropriate winter gear on, even if he had a light dusting of snow everywhere. I shivered automatically, pulling my arms out of their trenches and crossing them in a feeble attempt to get warm again. He reached up to his throat to unclasp his cloak, and I sat up, the snow sticking to my thin dressing gown and cracking where it had frozen into sheets of ice._

_"I was just... thinking," I said, taking the offered cloak and wrapping it around myself as best as I could. Potter reached around my shoulders to wrap it more effectively than my almost-blue hands could, and then helped me stand up before taking his arms away. The minute his hand touched mine, I shivered in a way that had nothing to do with the cold weather. Good thing he couldn't tell and probably thought my blushing cheek was from the cold weather. _

_"You chose the weirdest spots to think," he told me, watching as I struggled to hold my balance in slippers while standing on inches thick snow. "Need some help there?"_

_"No, I don't, th-thank you very mu-whoa!" I said through chattering teeth - ending with a face plant into the snow. He chuckled and lifted me up again, this time keeping one arm around my waist._

_"Come on, let's get you something warm," he said, leading the way back inside slowly enough for me not to look stupid, but fast enough for me not to seem injured._

_We slid inside the doors that were cracked open a few feet, and I realized just how cold it had been outside as every particle of my being was filled with warmth. I sighed, smiling, and leaned more into the person next to me, almost forgetting it was James Potter. He led the way down the staircase to the side that led to the basement hallway._

_"Come on, you're going to love this place," he told me with a smile. The smile sent goose bumps all over, and I wrapped the cloak tighter around me. _

_We walked down a progressively warmer corridor until he paused in front of the largest still life painting of fruit that I had ever seen - and twice as large as I had ever wanted to see. He reached up with the arm not wrapped around me and tickled the very large, very pear-shaped pear, which impossibly turned into a doorknob. He pulled it open, and an even stranger sight than the fruit greeted me over the threshold._

_"Look, it's Master Potter!"_

_"Master Potter, welcome back! Would you care for some refreshments?"_

_A horde of short, brown, bat-eared... things swarmed around us, offering Potter any sort of delicacy - even offering some to me. He seemed to be in his element, smiling at them all and telling them he only wanted an empty corner with some seats and two very large mugs of hot chocolate._

_We were situated in a corner on the same wall as the painting with two three-legged stools and a mug of hot chocolate each. The mug itself was big enough for me to fit my whole head in (although I didn't try), but my hands were still too numb at first to use the handle. I wrapped my fingers around the outside and tilted it up to my mouth. _

_If you've never felt the thrill of a hot liquid going down our throat when you are feeling especially cold, you have not lived. More likely because most people won't ever get that cold, but that's beside the point. The hot chocolate sip wormed its way down my frozen innards, warming me from the inside like a fire. I sighed, long and deep, and leaned against the wall behind me and shut my eyes._

_"Feeling better?" Potter said next to me. I nodded. "Good." _

_We sat in silence for a few more minutes before Potter spoke again. "Lily, I've been meaning to talk to you." It's only how nice to me he had just been that kept me from groaning, only how cozy I felt that stopped me from leaving the room that instant. But then he surprised me. "Do you remember the old days? Back when we were friends?"_

_"It was one of the things I was thinking about in the snow." I blurted out before blushing. I wished I could take those words back, but it was too late. Again though, he surprised me by not using that as an opportunity to ask me out._

_He raised an eyebrow in disbelief, but didn't question me. "Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was... I miss those days, where we were friends." I began to see where this was going, but I kept my mouth shut for once in my life. "Do you think - do you think we could, you know, go back to being 'just friends'?" I thought for a moment. If I said yes, I could get one of my best friends back, and possibly get him off my tail about the constant-asking-Lily-out part. But if I said no... I didn't even want to imagine the look on his face._

_"Sure," I said, smiling slightly and taking another sip from my mug. "I'd like that." Again we kept silent until I said (and I hated myself for this) "Other people will talk." Potter looked surprised at first, but then he remembered how much I sometimes cared what other people thought of me. _

"_We could always keep our friendship secret, and pretend to hate each other in public," he said, looking pleased. He was always rather fond of keeping secrets, I remembered. _

"_All right."_

"_Friends, then?" he said, a brilliant grin forming on his face. He set down his mug of hot chocolate and held out his hand._

"_Friends then, James." I replied, letting his first name form on my lips for the first time in a very long time, and I shook his hand._

A/N- YAY! I updated, and a long update at that! I must say, this has to be my favorite chapter that I've written so far. I didn't like the whole, "Secret friends" thing, but it was really the only way I could somewhat keep to the whole "Hate until 7th year" thing. Hope you enjoyed! Tell me what you think!


	18. Chapter 17

A/N Yes, I know, the italics are messed up

Speak

Chapter Sixteen

The first thing I saw was the light. That same bright light was back, which was odd because it hadn't been there for my other "flashbacks". Next thing I felt was how stiff I felt, how uncomfortable my neck ached. Then I heard the sounds of the voices around me. I struggled to get up, to tell Hermione that I was okay, and make sure she wasn't worrying. After all that she had done for me, I didn't want to repay her with worry. I opened up my eyes, but this time it hadn't been so long that I couldn't see. I could still see some spots in my vision, but it wasn't too bad.

"Look! She's awake!" a man said.

"Obviously, Jonathon. What have I said about stating the obvious?" a woman said.

"And what have I said about squabbling? Honestly, what am I going to do about the pair of you!" the black woman said. It all seemed so familiar, like what had happened the first time. Was this the first time? Was all that had happened before a dream and this was really reality? Or was I still in the coma and what had happened before was reality? The black woman spoke again (if I recall correctly from last time, her name was Sarah), "At least make yourself useful. Grab Granger from the eating area." Granger? Hermione was here!

"Now as for you, we need to put you through some tests to make sure you won't go into a coma again. I'm going to put you back to sleep until they are done to make sure everything's all right." As she took out her wand to do a spell, I tried to tell her I wanted to see Hermione first, that I wanted Hermione to be the one to do the spell, but it was too late. Already I could feel myself sinking back into darkness. Fortunately, for once my sleep was dreamless. Which is good, because having flashbacks usually makes you more tired than you were before. And since I had several, it was especially bad. It felt like normal sleep this time, actually.

After a while I rolled over again, and when I opened my eyes I found Hermione sitting in the chair next to me reading a book.

I must have made less noise than I thought I did by waking up, since she barely even moved her head. "Hermione?" I said quietly. She jerked away from her book and, seeing who called her, shut it quickly and stood up next to me.

"Don't ever scare me like that ever again! Next time you feel a relapse coming on, tell me!" she scolded, though I think she was teasing with the last part.

"Sorry. But you're supposed to be able to tell, you're the doctor!" I said, grinning weakly. I was still very tired.

"You should go back to sleep or Sarah'll have my hide. You need your rest, and don't get too overexcited." Happy to comply, I was back asleep in minutes.

&

I stayed in the hospital for three days (it would have been two, but Hermione persuaded them an extra day to make sure I was still okay).

When I was finally told that I could go home, I got a barrel of salt with my joy.

"I'm not sure if you should go home with Miss Granger this time, Kendra," Sarah told me, flipping through the papers on her clipboard as if she didn't want to meet my eyes. "It hasn't done you any good, it seems, than if you were still here. It actually seems to be doing harm." Hermione stood behind her a good distance, looking as if this was no new news to her and keeping her eyes on her shoes.

I stared up at shuffling Sarah in disbelief. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and glared at her. "What harm? Just because I'm having fla- relapses doesn't mean that it's Hermione's fault! Do you know how boring it would be to stay in a hospital bed when you could just as easily go to a fun and exciting young person's flat?" My voice was starting to go squeaky, but I persisted. "What's the use of keeping me here, anyway? I'm just wasted, bored space in this damned place!"

Sarah seemed slightly taken aback by my outburst. "We could monitor you easier here-"

"Monitor?! Now that's just a load of crap," I shrieked. I was starting to attract attention from the hallway outside my door, but I didn't notice. I sat up more firmly, allowing for my arms to gesture freely. "Hermione keeps a closer eye on me than all of the hospital Healers here combined, no matter how much more certified or experienced you are! And despite what you seem to think, she is a great doctor!" Hermione started to blush, although she kept her face to the floor. This seemed to be my battle to fight.

Sarah started to back away from me, hands and clipboard held up in defense, like my anger could burn her. "I'm just following orders, Miss!" she tried to protest, but I'd had enough of the silly Healers and their idea that I was some kind of vegetable.

"I don't care," I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and turning away from her. The clothes I had been wearing the last time I had fainted were on the unused other bed in the cell, and I picked up my jeans and pulled them on under my gown, aware of the other two in the room. "I've had enough of this place," I told her, pulling my jacket on and throwing down my shoes, stuffing my feet into them without caring to ties the laces. "Come on, Hermione, I'm leaving," I told her, spitting the words more at Sarah than at Hermione. "You're twelve times the doctor these people will ever be." I shoved my folded shirt and undergarments under the flap of my jacket and grabbed Hermione's stunned hand, who still seemed to be in a kind of daze from my shouting bout, and dragged her out the door, past the horde of spectators gathered around the door, and into the lift down the hall.

"Doctors," I muttered under my breath as I punched the button for the ground level repeatedly and emphatically. Hermione's hand covered mine, and I stopped punching.

&

"Are you sure you are up to this?" Hermione asked two flashback-free weeks later.

"For the last time, Hermione, yes! I feel fine."

"It's just that if you have another relapse, no matter what you say, I don't think you would be able to come home with me again. Especially after some of the things you said."

"I did get a little carried away," I admitted, blushing a bit. I wasn't used to being so…confrontational. I constantly wondered if it hadn't been one of those, "I wish I had done that" things afterward and it hadn't really happened. "I hope it doesn't affect the way they treat you at work."

"Yeah, well it wasn't exactly great to start with. If you're sure you feel up for it…but you tell me the second something goes even the tiniest bit wrong, or I won't let you out of the house for weeks." Hermione grumbled as she grabbed her gloves. The weather had started to warm up a bit, but it was still a little cold.

"I promise," I said. We were on our way to Melissa's (who was, if I recall correctly from the party, Neville's and Luna's daughter) birthday party. Apparently Luna works part-time at a zoo, the first and so far only wizard zoo, and she's hosting the party there. I wondered how it was going to be, seeing as how it was a muggle-wizard zoo (in the sense that there are muggle aspects to it, not that muggles go of course). Would it have the normal zebras and giraffes and etc but then dragons and god knew what else as well? At the very least it was bound to be quite an experience.

We arrived at the zoo in one piece, all of us, from Melissa and her many friends to her parents to Hermione and me and a ton of people from the last party at Harry's house which included other various members of the Weasley family (Ron's brother and sister and parents), Seamus, Dean, and Oliver. They all inspected me warily, as though frightened I would have a relapse. Though I didn't blame them, it rather annoyed me. Since their concerns were well founded though, I tried to keep said annoyance hidden.

"ZOO!" Melissa shrieked as she and her friends surged out of the Floo room and into the ticket area of the front of the zoo. I must admit I was excited as well. At least as much as I could remember right now, I hadn't been to the zoo before. And even if I had, probably not one like this.

"Hey Harry," Hermione called. Since Harry wasn't standing the closest, he left the area where he was standing with Ginny and walked closer to Hermione. Which might have been Hermione's intentions in the first place: to get him away from Ginny.

"Yeah?"

"Remember to stay away from the snakes." Hermione said, giving Harry a wicked grin.

"Oh, I don't know. I've been wanting to have a conversation with them for a while. You know how much I love having that ability." Harry said sarcastically before he and Hermione laughed softly. I looked at them confused, not quite understanding what was going on. Hermione must have noticed my look because she said, "Harry can talk to snakes."

"Oh." I said quietly, shuddering at the thought. It would be cool to talk to animals, though a snake wouldn't be one I would choose.

We got into the zoo without much incident, though Marissa and her small group of friends seemed to grow more rambunctious as the day went on. It never ceases to amaze me how much energy a child can store up. The children were watched mostly by an exhausted looking Neville, and a happy looking Luna. Luna worked at the zoo and had gotten a good price on tickets and even got some for free, which is why the rest of us were there as well.

An hour later when I was looking at the monkeys (I was working up to the magical creatures), an excited looking Ginny and a hesitant Hermione walked towards me.

"There you are, Kendra! I have someone I want you to meet." Ginny exclaimed, grabbing my arms and leading me away from the monkeys while Hermione gave me an apologetic look, letting me know that this was not her idea. We stopped in front of the place where unicorns were, and brushing the manes of one of the unicorns was a man.

"Jimmy! Get over here!" Ginny shouted at him. He looked as if he were about to refuse until he saw who was calling him and then, sighing deeply, he walked over to where we were standing. He had curly light brown hair and green eyes, and I couldn't help but notice he was in great shape. Very muscular. I shook off that line of thought, unwilling to go there at the moment.

"Kendra, this is Jimmy. Jimmy also was in a coma for a few years and has amnesia, and so do you. See? Tons in common already. Now, Hermione and I are going to check out something, and you two are going to talk to each other. Come on, Hermione." Ginny introduced us before hastily walking off. Hermione mouthed 'sorry' to me before following Ginny.

"So…" I started uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. "How's your amnesia going?" didn't seem like a very suitable conversation starter, particularly with someone I've just met. "You know, you really don't have to keep away from your work because of me. I can go."

He grinned, and I could feel my heart do a little flip-flop. What was I, a hormonal teenager? What the hell was wrong with me? I'm not supposed to be acting like this, like a foolish girl.

"Nah, it's cool. Besides, Ginny'll have our hides if we don't talk for a while. I really don't want to be on the receiving end of one of her hexes." Jimmy said.

"Yeah, most people seem to do what she says."

"Hey, do you want to brush Lilly here?" Jimmy spoke again, jerking his thumb in the direction of the unicorn he had just been brushing moments before.

"I wouldn't want to intrude." I stumbled on the words. Dear lord, I sounded like a freak. An overly formal freak. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to murder Ginny, hexes or no.

"Of course you aren't intruding," he said before handing me the brush and walking me towards Lilly. If I had been in my right mind I would have probably wondered about the significance of him naming the unicorn Lilly, but at that moment all I could think of was his hand on my arm. When he took it off, my arm felt cool, and I desperately wanted to grab his hand and put it back on my arm. And then make him leave it there forever. Distantly I heard him give me instructions, but either it was really easy or I registered a lot, because I seemed to be doing it correctly. Every once in a while Jimmy would praise me on my work, and each time I could feel my face blush up.

"Look, I'm not usually the type of guy who lets friends set him up or anything, but you seem nice and everything, so do you maybe want to do something tomorrow? Maybe dinner and a movie or something?" He asked me when I was done. I couldn't be in a relationship! What with all the flashbacks and everything going on in my life, I really didn't have the time or energy to be in one. Not to mention it was weird enough getting to know about myself without having someone else do it too. Besides Hermione and Harry I mean. Yet when I looked at him, I couldn't bring myself to say no. I really couldn't.

"Sure." I heard myself say.

The sad thing was, beneath all the "What have I gotten myself into?" that was going on in my brain, I also felt excited and happy. God I was pathetic.

A/N- Well, I seem to have hit a sort of brick wall in my writing, but really, what's new there? Only this time it seems to be with stories in general. But I want everyone to know that I think of you and this story a lot. And hopefully this is the start of me getting over that wall. I really appreciate those of you who still stick with me no matter what, and I'd especially like to dedicate this chapter to two of my reviewers.

To Aulophobic Clarinetist who has been here from the start and always without fail brings a smile to my face when I read her reviews, and to love.me-hate.me. It makes me feel really touched to hear that this is your favorite story, and how happy you are to have me back. I'm sorry for taking so long to update, hopefully this chapter made you happy.

And how could I forget my darling beta, Caroline, without which this story, let alone several others, would barely exist? I'd probably still be stuck on chapter 6 if it weren't for you. Thanks to all other reviewers too! All comments, good or bad, make me unbelievably happy. I hope you enjoyed the longest chapter I have ever written! huggles everyone


	19. Chapter 18

A/N- Hey guys! Long time no see! Maybe this time I'll actually manage to keep Hagrid's umbrella for this darned brick wall. I have decided, however, that to celebrate my 3 year anniversary for fan fiction I'm going to write every day for the rest of the month, and then again in November for my other anniversary fan fiction wise. It won't necessarily be a chapter a day (though I'll try my hardest) and it will be for different stories with maybe even a few one-shots added in there, but I'll be writing. Also, I made a writing community on Live Journal called The Pencil Posse for writers of ALL fandoms, original fiction included, and I'd love to get more members! I'm really excited and optimistic about it. So come on over and join if you can.

I'd like to give Blaire from SAYS a HUGE thanks for this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you, girl! Your date ideas and encouragement and feedback was really great, along with the word wars you did with me.

Speak

Chapter Eighteen

"You sure it looks good, Hermione?" I said nervously, fidgeting with my hair in front of the mirror. Hermione slapped my hand away impatiently.

"Yes, Kendra, it's fine! Stop messing with it!" She was clasping one of her necklaces around my neck under my half-updo after picking out my outfit including shoes and making me sit still long enough to apply the slimmest coat of makeup on my face and to stick earrings on my ears. I didn't blame her for being so short with me, though. For whatever odd reason it was, Jimmy had my skin in tingles, and the thought of spending the next few hours having to constantly be upbeat, nice, and perky was giving me alternating shots of nausea and dread. Somehow I was still looking forward to seeing him again.

"Okay, you're ready," Hermione said, stepping back so that I could stand from her vanity's stool. I was careful to keep my dress secure over my thighs, but the well-cut material showed no signs of slipping. I looked carefully over my reflection, but nothing came back as faulty.

"Hermione, you're a genius," I said with a sigh.

She smiled briefly. "Come on, we'll be late," she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the bathroom and out into the main part of the flat. She snatched her keys and purse off the table, handed me my own handbag (I seemed to be in a sort of pre-date daze) and led me out into the hall. Hermione was dropping me off at the Italian restaurant, but then I was free and completely dependent on Jimmy to get me back home. If I could remember the way home, that is.

I was pushed into the passenger seat and buckled up out of habit, smoothing my green dress again and tucking an annoying strand of hair behind my ear. Hermione got in her side, put the keys in the ignition, and cranked the car, somehow managing to reach over and untuck the strand so it was in my face. "Looks better that way," she said gruffly as she pulled out of her parking spot and sped down the street with a glower. I wasn't sure why she was in such a bad mood, but I wasn't about to ask.

We reached the restaurant with nothing unusual happening beyond Hermione cursing at the drivers on the road - something she usually left for the less intellectual of the gene pool. Must be that time of the month, I thought, looking at her in concern out of the corner of my eye.

"Do you have your mobile?" Hermione asked. After the last relapse, Hermione had decided to get us both mobile phones (seeing as I hadn't exactly mastered the Wizarding world I could hardly contact her through their ways) in case I ever needed anything. Not that I would be able to contact her in the case of a relapse, but it made us both feel better.

I held mine up to show her and she said, "Call me if _anything _happens, okay?"

"Hermione, it's going to be fine. I'm going on a date with Jimmy, not Hannibal Lecter." Despite my words though, I smiled. It was sweet the amount of concern Hermione had for me.

"Still, promise me, okay?"

I had a feeling that she wouldn't let me leave otherwise, so I rolled my eyes and said, "I promise."

I got out of the car and fought a sudden panic attack. Suddenly I was the one who needed comforting. _'Just breathe and relax. You'll be fine." _ I pep talked myself. As clichéd as it sounds, the second I saw Jimmy sitting at a table my breath caught and I felt a blush creep up on me. I managed to fight it. At least I wasn't a redhead anymore. I walked to the table feeling self conscious.

"You came." He said with a smile.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Traffic." I explained.

"And here I was thinking you were taking so long because you wanted to look nice for me," he joked.

"Yeah right. You sure have a high opinion of yourself, don't you?" I snorted, and this time I blushed for real. Was it too early in the relationship to tease him? To my great relief, he just laughed.

"So how long have you been working at the zoo?" I asked. It was like first date rules to have awkward small talk, and I didn't disappoint.

"Five years now. I was going to do something else to make more money, but I really love animals. I guess I could have become a vet, but there's just so much pain and suffering and death with that job, you know? At least in a zoo, though I have the occasional sickness or death, I get to deal with other things too. Happier things. I figure that as long as I have a roof over my head and enough food and maybe the occasional entertainment need, I don't need a lot of money. I just need happy animals." Jimmy said after a moments thought. What an amazing response. Any doubts that I had about being on the dating scene instantly vanished.

At that moment we were interrupted by the waiter coming to take our order. I asked for Lasagna Bolognese and Jimmy ordered spinach ravioli. When the waiter walked away, Jimmy laughed again. He sure was laughing and smiling a lot tonight, and I found myself the same way.

"What?"

"It's nothing, just that it's so nice to see a woman order something other than a salad, salad and croutons on the side, please." He said, using the universal sign for quotation marks on the second part.

"I like salad and everything, but unless I'd eaten a very big meal the meal before, I don't think I'd be able to just have that, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. So what do you do?" there it was, the question I had been dreading he'd ask. I should have known it was coming as soon as my question about his job left my mouth. I shifted around in my chair uncomfortably.

"At the moment, nothing. I er, just came out of a bit of a stay in the hospital" if you can call twenty-one years as a bit, but I continued on, "and I haven't found anything yet. I hope to soon, though. I feel bad for relying on Hermione so much."

"Yeah, I've had a hospital stay myself for a while, a few years back. Those can be rough, huh?"

I held back a huge sigh of relief, "Yeah, they really can be." Thankfully we both let it be at that, because I really didn't want to have to explain everything to him. Especially if I ended up going in a relapse again.

At that moment our food came as the waitress walked away Jimmy said, "Wonder where that wet spot on her pants came from." I looked where his gaze was directed and said, "Maybe she was washing her hands."

"And what? She got an itch on her leg?" I rolled my eyes at that. Typical guy. At least he didn't mention her bladder at all.

"Or maybe she sat on something." Jimmy suggested.

"Like what?" I challenged.

"Soy sauce."

"I don't think they have soy sauce here. How about tomato sauce?"

We went on guessing about the mysterious dark spot until the end of dinner, each theory getting wackier.

&

After dinner, both of us were reluctant to end our date, so I suggested that we go to a park a little down the way. I smiled fondly when we walked past the swing set.

"My mother used to take me to the park every Saturday morning after a breakfast of pancakes. I used to just love going on the swings. You know, how many times can I can twist the chain, how fast I'll spin when if I do twist the chain." Why was I able to talk about my past with him? Shouldn't the same thing that happened with Hermione be happening here?

"How far you can go when you jump off, and can I jump off the swing before it stops." Jimmy interrupted.

"Exactly."

"Want to go on?" he asked.

"Sure!" I said enthusiastically. It hadn't been my intention to suggest going on the swings, but I was happy to accept.

"What did we mention? Jumping off swings and twisting the chain, right? Let's do it."

"I am NOT jumping off a swing in dress and heels, thank you very much."

"Fine." As I sat down on the swing, he started turning me and turning me and turning me. I think we got to about 7 turns before the chain wouldn't go anymore. "Ready?" Before waiting for my answer, he jumped back and let go, barely avoiding getting whacked.

When I finally stopped spinning, it took a moment for the world to stop spinning. I'd never been so dizzy in my life. And yet I couldn't stop laughing.

Jimmy jumped up on the swing, and still standing up, started to swing back and forth.

"Oh don't do that! You'll break your neck, and scar me for life, and I'm to young to be scarred for life." I gasped out.

"Oh yes, I'll stop because you being scarred for life is all I cared about." Jimmy said sarcastically, however, he did jump off. He came over to my swing and put both his hands on it, stopping all movement. He leaned forward and I did too-

and then it started pouring rain. We quickly broke apart, our lips barely touching.

"We should probably find some shelter." Jimmy said, sighing. It was a good idea-even though it had been only seconds since the rain had started, we were both completely soaked. He grabbed my hand to help my high heeled feet out, and we began to run as fast as we possibly could. Fortunately there was a school nearby, so we ran under the overhang of the classrooms, content to stay there until the rain stopped.

"I don't like rain. Well, okay, I do," I amended my statement, "but only when I'm inside on my bed reading a good book and drinking something warm. Then I feel warm and c-c-cozy." Much to my dismay, I started shivering.

"Here." Jimmy quickly took off his jacket and put it over my shoulders, reminding me of one of my flashbacks when James had taken off his cloak and wrapped it around me.

"T-th-th-thanks." I stuttered.

"Still cold?"

"Yeah." I admitted. He started rubbing my shoulders and pulled me close to him, trying to get me to stop shivering with his body warmth. After a moment's hesitation he gently tucked the loose strand of hair behind my ear, and leaned forward again.

This time, there were no interruptions as our lips met.

A/N- the swing part was inspired by the season two episode of Bones, Girl with the Curl. I'm sorry if the date wasn't any good, but I have no personal experience with one. Perhaps one reason why it was so difficult for me to write. Also, this chapter is unbetaed. Since I'm not very pleased with how it ended up turning out, I might end up editing this later. So any suggestions would be fabby-fab-fab.


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N-** I am pleased to inform you that my muse has come back. At least for drabbles and one-shots, though yesterday I was hit very hard by a few ideas for this story. This medication I'm taking for ADHD helps too. At least that's what my mom says. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans out there (it's special to me because even though I know the day is different each year, I started posting my stories on Thanksgiving. Three year anniversary!) and um, it was my birthday on Saturday. Reviews would make lovely presents. J

**Speak**

**Chapter Nineteen**

When I woke up the next morning, I had the hugest smile on my face. I didn't realize why right away, though, until I rolled over and saw the most beautiful white daisies on my bedside table. The daisies hat, after we kissed (and I touched my lips lightly with my fingertips at the memory) and it had stopped raining as hard, he had bought at a flower shop and then gave to me. Unfortunately by then it was getting late, and we had started running out of excuses for why our date should go on any longer, so he walked me home. He gave me a quick peck on the lips, and then he was gone. Being the dork that I was, I looked up the meaning of the flower as soon as I got home. Innocence. Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at my amnesia, as a way of at least temporarily restoring my innocence.

I lay in my bed for a few minutes, replaying the night in my head, almost as though if I didn't, the whole night would never have happened. Once the most wonderful and familiar smell entered my room, though, I got up pretty fast. Sure enough, when I got out, there was Hermione making chocolate chip pancakes. She had tried to wait up for me, but when I got home she was asleep on the couch.

"Good morning," she greeted me.

"Good morning," I said back, leaning against the wall.

"I decided I was going to make pancakes this morning no matter what. If last night went bad, then it would be comfort food, and if it went great, well, a celebratory breakfast. Judging by the grin on your face, it looks like last night was a success. Tell me all about it!" Hermione said. I began to do so as I set the table. I was just at the part about the swings when the phone rang. Hermione was busy and her hands were messy, so she nodded at me to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Kendra?" a male voice answered. I frowned for a minute, trying to decide whether it was Ron or Harry or someone else, before figuring it out.

"Oh, hey Jimmy!" I said, feeling a little awkward. It's amazing how much I can feel like a teenager at times. Hermione rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "People in love"

"I have some time off around noon or so. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee or something?" Jimmy asked. He sounded like he didn't like being on the phone very much. Not that I blamed him. It was very easy to make a fool of yourself on the phone sometimes.

"Er, give me a second," I said, before passing the massage to Hermione with my hand over the phone. She nodded her consent, and so I said that sounded fine. We couldn't talk, though, because by then the pancakes were ready and he had to work. Jimmy and I said our goodbyes and hung up, and then sat down to pancakes with Hermione.

&&&

Several hours later found me at a café with Jimmy. He had ordered a cappuccino, but since I didn't like what coffee did to me, I ordered a hot chocolate.

"How's Lilly?" I asked.

"She's great. You should come by and see her sometime. I'm sure she, as well as the others, would love that. Did you know that unicorns don't like males?" he asked. I shook my head. I didn't know much about unicorns.

"Well, they don't. Everyone was rather surprised at how well the unicorns reacted to me. I got the job right away, which makes the jabs I occasionally get about being a girl totally worth it," Jimmy said. I could tell he didn't mind what people said though, because his grin was genuine.

"Well, _I _don't think you're girly at all," I responded.

"That's good to hear. I'd been real worried about that," he shot back before kissing me on the cheek.

This was obviously not the first kiss Jimmy gave me, but this time I reacted differently. When he kissed me, it was like a quick replay of all the flashbacks I had thus far in my head. I came out of the trance panting slightly, and when I looked at Jimmy, he looked as if he had the same problem. As we looked into each other's eyes, it was like we both had the same realization at the same time.

_James. Lily._

"Let's get out of here," he said with wide eyes. I could simply nod as he threw a few bills on the table and then, grabbing my hand, led me out of there.

He took me to a building where his flat must be. Usually I would have looked around, but this time I just sat down on the leather couch closest to the door. If things went okay between is, I probably would be seeing it again soon anyway. He sat next to me, and I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

"What were you in the hospital for? You never told me last night. It was a coma, wasn't it?" I just nodded, and he continued. "That explains a lot. Both of us being in the hospital, how when I met you it seemed like I had before even though I knew I hadn't." He jumped up and began pacing back and forth in the small area.

"You aren't mad, are you?" I asked, gripping my hands tightly. He might think it explained a lot, but I was feeling more confused than ever.

"No Kendra, I mean Lily. What do I mean? I'm not mad at you. How could I? It's not your fault at all." He clasped my hand in his own warm, large one.

"Have you ever tried to tell anyone who you are?" Jimmy (James? Just like he had with me, I had no idea what to call him now) asked.

"Yes. I tried to tell Hermione but that just brought a relapse of the coma," I said. His holding of my hand was making the large lump in my throat begin to disappear.

"I had the same problem when I tried. I guess this means we can't tell anyone. Unless-" he broke off.

"What?"

"Unless you can tell them my side of the story and I can tell them yours. That might work."

"No. Yes, I want to tell them someday. But I think that I want to have a few more flashbacks and know about my past before I bring it to anyone's attention." My response surprised even me, for until that moment I thought that I wanted people to know.

"I guess that's a good idea," he spoke slowly, obviously thinking, "I think I have an idea. Instead of sitting around waiting we should find things to trigger memories. Well, it's a lot to take in now. We'll talk more later."

A/N-once again unbetaed, and this time (since I have to eat in like, 2 minutes) not even read over. Please point out any errors, and I will try to fix them later.


	21. Author's Note

I was thinking the other night about how difficult it was for me to write for my older stories, and one of the reasons is because my writing has changed very much in the past few years. I decided I was going to rewrite the stories I liked a lot and had ideas I could work with. Speak is one of them! I'm not sure when it will be up or done or whether I will be keeping the old version and making a new post for a new story altogether, but I'll try to keep you posted on that. Thanks guys for being patient about the long wait! My muse seems to be unable to write anything but drabbles and one-shots but I'm working on it.


	22. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Magic is a funny thing. It can do so much, and yet at the same time so very little. Take my circumstances. Magic could make my healing process much faster, but I'd still lost so much. More than twenty years had passed while I'd been in a coma, and when I woke up, my memories were lost. I had gained some memories back, but there was still so much that was unknown.

Jimmy (I had decided against calling him James since I had known him as Jimmy before) and I decided to take a walk after our conversation in his flat. We were hoping that something would connect, like it had before with Remus and the box.

The box! I had forgotten about that. The box with my name on it, the one I couldn't open.

"I just remembered, there is something that I have. A box," I told Jimmy. We turned around to walk back to Hermione's flat.

Much to my relief, Hermione wasn't home. I figured she was either visiting Harry or Ron, or at St. Mungo's working. A note inside informed me that it was the latter, and that her shift ends at seven. Now I didn't have to try to come up with some excuse as to what we were doing. I loathed lying to Hermione.

I told Jimmy to sit on the couch while I went to my room to get the box. I showed it to him, and he took a long look. I wondered if it meant anything to him as it had me? Probably not, since it looked like a private box. Still, James and Lily had been friends.

"It's locked," I informed him when he tried to open it. Of course it was. If it hadn't been, it would have been to easy, and since when has anything been easy for me? Oops, that sounded kind of bitter. Good thing I hadn't actually said that out loud.

"Leave that to me. I used to be a trickster, remember?" he grinned at me. "Do you have a hairpin I can use?" I nodded and took one out of my hair. He fiddled with it for a bit, and then lo and behold, the box was open!

"Would you like the honors?" he asked, giving it back to me. My hands were shaking as I took the box, though I wasn't sure if it was out of excitement or fear. Maybe it was a little bit of both, as the unknown can be exciting and scary.

I was hoping there would be a diary in there, but I was disappointed. Still, the other finds were good ones. A small album filled with various pictures, a newspaper article announcing James' and Lily's engagement (engagement! I wonder if we had actually gone through with the wedding before the coma?), a dried lily, and a few other trinkets that I'm sure were important to me in some way or another.

Still, I was a little disappointed. I had been expecting something more helpful. That's the problem with discovering the unknown. By that time, your imagination has been at work and it's never as good as you thought it was.

"The newspaper article reminded me of something we can do," James spoke slowly, "We could look for information from newspaper articles."

"That works. But can we do that another time? I'm tired. Plus, I can ask Hermione about the library tonight," I said, holding back a yawn.

"Sure," Jimmy said, giving me a light peck on the lips, "I'll call you later. Sleep well."

I walked him to the doorand after he was gone, I leaned against the wall sighing deeply. One of those romantic sighs that the female lead in romantic movies seems to do a lot. It really is true what they say, that love makes fools of us all.

* * *

I took a short nap. I was surprised that I was actually able to fall asleep considering everything that's on my mind for you, but then again, I was tired. Even after I woke up, I stayed in bed for a bit, not feeling like getting up yet.

I didn't get out of bed until Hermione got home, a brown paper bag in her hands.

"I hope you're hungry, because I brought home Chinese takeout," was her greeting to me. Without her saying a word, I went to get two plates and several serving spoons. For myself, I brought out a work. I couldn't eat with chopsticks, unlike Hermione.

For the first part of dinner we mostly had small talk. I asked her how work was and she asked me how my date with Jimmy was. About halfway through our meal, I decided to ask her. "Hermione, is there a library near here? I want to check out books on the magical world. I want to learn more." That was mostly true, anyway, even if I had left out a few important details.

"Oh sure. I can show you where it is tomorrow, if you'd like," she offered.

"Can you just give me directions? I think Jimmy and I want to go tomorrow."

Hermione nodded at me.

There, it was all settled. Now all I had to do was call him and tell him the plan and give him the directions.

* * *

The next day Hermione dropped me off at the library. Jimmy was outside waiting for me.

"Ready?" he asked me. I gave a short nod, though I was feeling nervous.

"We should probably ask about your family first since they are well known in the wizarding world. I doubt they'd have much about my family," I said as we walked inside. I had given it some thought last night before falling asleep.

"Right," he said.

Inside the library was much like a muggle one, except for the fact that instead of stacking the books by hand, the library aids used their wands. This meant that books were flying over our heads, moving in all directions.

Jimmy held my hand as we walked towards the main desk, and I was grateful for the small comforts.

"How may I help you?" the librarian asked.

"We want books about the Potters," Jimmy told her.

"Harry Potter, James and Lily Potter, or someone else?" she asked us. Jimmy answered, but I didn't hear what he said.

Lily Potter?

I'd assumed that we'd gotten married, but it was very different to hear someone say it so casually.

What had we gotten ourselves into?


	23. Chapter 21

**Speak: Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

Fortunately Jimmy answered for me, seeing as how I was still in a bit of a daze.

The librarian promptly took out her want, and managed to send several books our way. We had decided to read as much as we could, check out the rest, and leave them at Jimmy's house so that Hermione wouldn't become suspicious. Unfortunately, most of the books seem to say the same thing and, while informative, not as helpful as we would have hoped. There were still so many gaps to be filled in.

Mostly it was about how You-Know-Who wanted to kill Harry, we went into hiding, he found us, killed us, tried to kill Harry but had his spell backfired. What I wanted to know was WHY we weren't actually dead. As far as I know, people don't just come back to life. Something must have happened in between then, but what?

The worst part was when we were reading and Jimmy suddenly stiffened.

"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling concerned.

"It says here that Sirius was our Secret Keeper and betrayed us," he replied. His voice was hollow and empty.

"That can't be right. That has to be a mistake! The Sirius I knew would never have betrayed us," I replied, also feeling horrified. From what I had seen in my flashbacks, Sirius was James's best friend, who he loved more than anything in the world.

"I hope it is," Jimmy sighed. I squeezed his hand comfortingly, not knowing what to say. I wish I could have told him for sure that it was a mistake.

It was then that we decided that we'd had enough for the afternoon. Closing the books that we were reading, we walked back up to the desk to check them out.

* * *

When I got home, I was still lost in thought about what the book had said about Sirius. Jimmy's face after he read that seemed to be all I could think about. It was because of that expression that when I got home, I decided to take a risk, pretty much making all our attempts at secrecy pointless. But if anyone knew the truth, it would be Hermione.

"I need to ask you something," I said.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked me, noticing my expression.

I took a deep breath, "Hermione, did Sirius Black betray the Potters?"

She looked at me curiously. "No, he didn't. They decided to change it to Peter Pettigrew, but what they didn't know was that he was working for Voldemort. As soon as the switch was made, he told Voldemort and that is when they came after the Potters."

It was bittersweet news. On one hand, it was great that Sirius was innocent, but then it had to be another one of his friends that did betray him instead.

If only we knew, if only we could have done something about it. All the what ifs brought up a phrase my Mum used to say: if you live your whole life saying what if, then you won't live your life saying what now.

It's true what they say, that hindsight is twenty-twenty.

* * *

Later at dinner, Hermione finally asked me the question that I could see she had been wondering for some time.

"Kendra, why did you ask about Sirius and the Potters?"

"Please don't be mad at me, but while I was in the library, I decided to read about the Potter family. I was curious," I said. Not the complete truth, but not a complete lie either. I would be glad when the truth came out so that I wouldn't always have to watch what I said. But then again, once the truth came out, Hermione might not believe me.

Right now, though, she looked more surprised than angry. "Really? Well, I guess I can understand that seeing how popular the Potters are in the wizarding world. Though you can always ask me, you know."

"I know," I said, smiling at her. She was such a good friend. I was glad that my son had found her.

I would tell Jimmy the good news about Sirius tomorrow, but for tonight, what I really wanted was to take a hot bath, read a book that had nothing to do with my life, and go to sleep.

So I did just that.

* * *

The next day, Jimmy came over before I could go over to his house.

"I have some good news," I told him excitedly, "Sirius was innocent!"

He looked as if a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders, but there was something that was still weighing him down. He asked me if he could speak to me in private, so I said we could take a walk. When we found a place where no one was around and we could keep a lookout for anyone who might approach us, I told him he could talk now.

"Lily," he started out. Suddenly I was nervous. If he was using my real name, then things must truly be serious.

"I had another memory," he continued, "I know now why things are the way they are for us. Albus approached me one night, asking me if we could talk in secret. He said that he had a feeling that Voldemort was going to find us soon and kill us, and he had a way to save our lives. He said that he had found a spell that he could cast on us. Once we were hit with the spell, we would change appearance, our memories would be lost, and we would sleep until the time came for us to wake up. We would gain our appearances back once our memories came back. Until then, we would look different and not be able to speak about this.

But Lily, he told me that I couldn't tell you. He said that your sacrifice had to be true, that you had to truly think that you were giving up your life for Harry's. Otherwise, the spell on him wouldn't have backfired, and Voldemort would have won."

As he was telling me this, a range of different emotions came over me. First there was anger and hurt over the fact that this decision had been made without telling me, relief over the fact that I knew what happened, confusion over my thoughts of whether or not I was happy to be alive, sadness over all the time lost, and other emotions I couldn't name.

I nodded to show that I understood, then I walked home by myself. I was grateful that Jimmy didn't try to follow me, for I wanted to be alone until I figured out how I truly felt about all of this.

_Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said that it would be this hard  
Oh take me back to the start. -Coldplay, The Scientist _

**A/N-** well, there we go! Lily knows the truth now, we're nearing the end, though there still are quite a few things to tie up. I'd guess about 6 more chapters. I hope you enjoyed. I was going to drag out the revelations in this chapter, but I figured that it was time.

Thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 22

_Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state_  
_A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake_  
_No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber_  
_Until I realize that it was you who held me under_

_-Blinding, Florence + The Machine_

**Speak**

**Chapter Twenty**

_Be careful what you wish for. It might come true._

I'd wanted to know the truth of what happened to me, and now I knew. Funny how that is, how answers just make you want to ask more questions. The walk home didn't do much to clear my head, and I entered Hermione's flat as confused as ever.

In a way I knew it was wrong for me to blame Jimmy. He was just as lost as I was. I couldn't completely blame him for mistakes he'd made as James. My mouth was dry, my throat was hoarse. I wondered how much more shock my body could take. I poured myself a glass of water and sat down on the couch, waiting for Hermione to come back home. The fact was, I needed to know the truth. Knowing was healing. If I grieved, at least I would know what I was grieving about and would eventually be able to take the steps to get over it. But this not knowing? It was getting tiring.

* * *

_We lay side by side on the ground, staring at the stars. Although I didn't approve of most of James's mischief, I did have to admit that his knowing all the various hidden passageways did come in handy. In this case, it was an opportunity to relax after weeks of stressing over exams._

_At first I had pointed out various constellations, but James insisted on creating his own shapes and patters in the sky. "You see that one right there? Looks like Slughorn," he pointed out to me. I smacked his shoulder, though after I took a closer look, I did have to admit that the resemblance was uncanny._

_After a while we were quiet, with only the sounds of our breathing and the wind in the trees filling the air. I didn't know how long we stayed like that. It felt like forever._

_"Lily?" James finally said, breaking the silence._

_"Hmm?"_

_"Why did you always say no to me when I asked you out?" he asked._

_I sighed. The spell had been broken. Why was he bringing this up after all this time?_

_"Because we both know that you weren't serious. It was just your way of getting my attention again."_

_"What if I was serious?" he asked me._

_"Don't joke about that," I begged him. His voice was serious, but he had to be joking, right?_

_"I'm not! Look, I know I joke about a lot of things, but I would never joke about that. I like you, okay? And I think that, if you gave me the chance, we could be really great," James said. He got up and started walking away from me._

_Was that it? Was this the end of our friendship? It couldn't be. I realized I didn't want him to go, and that scared me slightly._

_"James," I called after him. "What if this isn't it? What if we mess up our friendship over it? I don't want to lose you again."_

_He turned around and started walking back. "It won't. Look, I've been wrong about a lot of things, but not about this," he said once he was right in front of me. I grabbed hold of his hands while he leaned down and kissed me._

_The thing was, after that, I knew he was right. The kiss was too perfect for us to not be meant for each other._

* * *

"Kendra, you're shaking. Are you feeling alright?" Hermione asked. I woke up with a gasp. I must have dozed off on the couch while I was waiting for her. The thing was, I knew what I had to do now. Suddenly, everything was clear.

"Do you know where Dumbledore is? I need to speak with him," I said, ignoring her inquiries.

"Dumbledore? Why?"

"I think that he can tell me things about myself. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't," I told her, hoping that it was vague enough to not cause a relapse of my coma.

"He's dead."

I sunk into the chair, shocked. Dead. My biggest shot of learning more couldn't tell me a thing.

"But there are other ways to talk to him, if it's really that important," Hermione walked over to me. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You look really pale and your pupils are dilated."

"I'm fine, Hermione. Or, I will be. Other ways?" I asked, confused. I thought dead was dead? Unless he was like us, supposed to be dead, but really not. Let me tell you, magic made the world far too complicated.

"You've seen moving pictures, right?" Hermione asked me. I nodded. Most recently being the pictures I'd found in the box.

"Well," she continued, "portraits have the ability to talk to people. There's a portrait of Dumbledore at Hogwarts. Mind you, he is just a shadow of himself, he's not actually Dumbledore."

But he still might be able to help.

"I'll see what I can do," she promised me.

For now, that was enough. I nodded, and let myself sleep once more.

A/N-Another chapter up! The flashback was actually a response to the prompt "looking at the stars" over at schmoop_bingo. The lyrics at the beginning of this chapter are from Blinding by Florence + The Machine, one of my favorite groups. I thought it worked quite well for this story!


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